Karen's Crossings~~~Journey with Epilepsy and Cancer

Howdy,

On Karen's Crossing's I am going to be reviewing more the tools I used for fighting my stress seizures over 20 years. I will be covering them on my other BlogSpot http://COCWF.blogspot.com as they were the topic I spoke about at Women's Retreat this year. In order to complete what I started with the ladies I'm going to finish reviewing them on the Women's Retreat blog.

So join me over there on a topic I have covered on this BlogSpot as well under Karen's Crossings.

As far as the current episode of Karen's Crossings, my tumor markers have gone up again in a jump of 17 points. Last month they had jumped 9 points. Monday I will be having a bone scan test and Wednesday another CT scan looking for signs of new growth. If there is no new growth it could have been stress that made them jump. Go figure, stress is such a tattler. Perhaps that is a good thing then it makes us look a little closer where we need to give something over to the Lord because evidently we can't handle it.

I have had a stressful month with my father-in-law dying, my best friend's dad dying as well, then my aunt too, plus my granddaughter's 7 baby pit bull puppies. However, that doesn't give me an excuse to not continue to lean on the Lord and trust in His lead to see me through so many tears and sad, sad memories. As I told someone at church today, who just found out he had cancer, that we needed to get together and have us a lemon-aide stand. After all, they say when life throws you a lemon, you need to make lemon-aid. In other words, learn how to make the most of what you are dealing with in life. As tough as it is at times, its possible when we trust God.

Anyway hop on over to WOCWF and follow along.

In love W.I.T.H. Jesus,

Karen

Karen's Crossing: "Another catchy saying"

"It’s not what happens sometimes that’s important it’s what we do after it happens"

In spite of my attitude in between my moments of selfishness I always knew in my heart that God didn’t allow me to have epilepsy as if He had some quota to fill of a certain number of epileptics in the world. No, I got what I had because of kids goofing around on a school bus. One incident had led to another and there I was on a darken road that appeared to have no light at the end.

Truth be known I knew what God was watching for. He was looking at how I was handling this new found disease in my life, which in the beginning was not well. The initial news of having epilepsy didn’t affect me it was when I was fired from my job due to seizures and later told by a doctor I was to never get pregnant because of the medication I was taking. It was then that I felt like I was a victim of an all-out-assault on my life. Every lightning bolt from the sky seemed to be aimed right at me and dead on target every time. Little did I know I was the one holding up the lightning rod attracting these attacks from Satan because of my “pity me” attitude packed firmly around bitterness and anger.

Praise the Lord this saying fell into my life at the right moment to knock a little sense in to me sending the “pity me” mode out. I had epilepsy and there wasn’t enough pity and anger and bitterness I could create to change that. The important thing was what I was going to do with my situation. Let it rule me or me rule over it by having the right attitude and hanging on to Jesus for guidance.

It doesn’t matter if we have a health condition, financial problem, marital issues, or anything else the important factor is how we handle the situations we find ourselves in. A lot of these things come upon us in life uninvited, out of our control, but the one thing we do have control over is how we react to them and what we do with them after they show up on our doorstep.

The focus on the problem creates pity parties. The focus Jesus creates a closer walk with Him and a better journey with a stronger outcome. Walking with Jesus didn’t take away my epilepsy. It took away a bigger more deadly disease of self pity.

We need to pray to Jesus daily to get rid of the excess baggage we like to pack such as our bad attitudes, impatience, and pity modes in order to journey with Jesus through trust, faith, and looking forward to a better future with Him. He’s there to listen, He does care.

Jesus. Don’t leave home without Him!

There's only one way out of the world's prison and that's the door to Christ

It’s funny how we try every door first to get out of the prisons we find ourselves in but the door that really works. We try to escape through alternate ways such as drugs, drinking, sex, violence, food and other means. However, through lessons learnt the hard way we find that taking the alternate routes often leads to a dead end street. Soon we look around and find ourselves further into the maze of life and our troubles instead of standing out in the light of Jesus.

This “catchy saying” made my list when the word “prison” caught my eye and heart. That was exactly how I felt. I was trapped in a prison where someone had already thrown away the key. Paul sang from his prison cell but I just couldn’t. I wasn’t like Paul, I didn’t have his strength. His circumstances were different than mine. Life had struck me down with epilepsy and uncontrollable seizures in the prime of my life and I was the one being punished. Boy was I wrong.

The main part of the prison I was surrounded by was the jail bars, walls, and cells of my own making. I had been told that 90% of my seizures were stressed caused and here I was feeding with self-pity what I was told to starve out. My batch of homemade bitterness, lack of trust, pity, fault-finding, anger, and complaining feed the stress that created the seizures. And the prison walls grew.

It was time to try the correct door. Like the game show, “The Price is Right” I had to stand there and think about what door I was going to choose. Door #1 the door of anger worked for awhile but it created consequences that were not what I needed in my life right then. Door #2 Self-pity felt good to go through but when I turned around to look I was all alone. Door #3 The choice of solitary confinement had to be the answer. Shutting myself in my home both physically and spiritually seemed to solve all my problems. I could live out my life in my shell and be happy. Wrong again, I soon found out, as that door slammed in my face like all the other ones.

No, the door I needed was Jesus the one who could rid me of the stress I felt inside. He wasn’t there to change my circumstances but to change me from the inside out. Helping me to deal with life as it was and not let it get to me. Freeing me enough to take control of the circumstances around me as I learned how to trust and rely on Him. Before I knew it the jail bars or stress seizures started to come down one by one. It would take five years to totally get rid of them all but it was a journey worth taking. A lesson worth learning. A trip with my Lord and Savior I wouldn’t have missed for the entire world. For through Jesus we can get rid of the prisons we find ourselves in. The choice is ours. We’ve been handed the key, we need to use it.

Copyright 2008 Karen J. Gillett @ Pencil Marks and Recipes Publishing

Just be thankful for what you have and appreciate it

This catchy saying I ran across was very similar to others I had in my collection. Should I keep it? Should I throw it out and try for something different? Why in the world would I need this phrase that echoed the advice of many others? It didn’t take me long to answer my own questions. It was because it was a point that needed to be made on a daily basis as many times as possible.

I was guilty as charged in my heart of not being thankful for what I did have. I was too busy concentrating on what I didn’t have or what was taken away from me. The last thing on my mind and heart was appreciating what I had. What was the point when there wasn’t that much to be appreciative of? I was entitled to my period of mourning over my loses and “couldn’t have’s” and I was determined to get in all that time I could, even setting the time frame I had to accept what had happened to me in my life.

I was putting God through a time period of punishment for what life had handed me. In God’s word He never promises an easy life. He never guarantees smooth travel and quick arrivals. What He does promise us is strength, love, eternal life, forgiveness, inner peace and a Spirit within us that will see us through anything we run across on life’s road. If that isn’t enough to be thankful for and appreciate then we have a problem.

And a problem is exactly what I had with stress seizures ruling my life. It was time to change if I ever wanted the ultimate cure and freedom from seizures dominating and haunting me day in and out. Giving up my right to be angry at my situation was not going away easy but that was my fault due to the attitude I had adopted in my heart. Throw this catchy saying away? No way, I had other things that needed to go that were more important.

Be Content and Satisfied

Continuing with my "catchy saying" collection, this one I found was short and to the point as most of my collection was. Exactly what I needed to concentrate on. The phrase “be content and satisfied” almost sounded like something mom use to say about being happy with what you got. It wasn’t easy fighting seizures on a regular basis. If I wasn’t having seizures I was hard at work trying to prevent them from coming in the first place. How in the world could I be content, happy, pleased, and comfortable with that let alone be satisfied or fulfilled?

It seemed like an awful lot to ask for but I knew if I was going to conqueror my stress seizures I was going to have to accept the fact that I needed to be content AND satisfied. Holding back the littlest discontent would only take away from what I was trying to accomplish and that was overcoming my seizures brought on by stress. I didn’t have to like the fact I had seizures but I could accept the fact I was an epileptic and seizures were a part of it. Being pleased about all this was totally out of the question but then again maybe not. I could at least be pleased with the fact I had a family to back me, a Lord who wasn’t going to leave me, and decent health outside my seizures.

It seemed silly to have so many different catchy sayings connected to the same theme pasted all over my house but it didn’t matter. It was a big issue that needed to be drilled into my heart as well as my head. After all, if you think about it, that is one of the biggest things connected to stress is the fact that people are very discontent and constantly unsatisfied. We never seem to be happy with anything. We are constantly in a search for something bigger or better. No, the two needed to go together and it was something I had to live if I wanted my seizures to die.

Copyright 2008 Karen J. Gillett @ Pencil Marks and Recipes Publishing

We can live with or without things if we would just adjust

This catchy saying echoed a teaching my parents tried to instill in my head early in life but I evidently didn’t listen. Because of my epilepsy I had to do without some things and dwelling on that list was only causing more stress seizures. There were things I didn’t need and could live without but I refused to adjust to my new situation. After all subsequent to the age of 12 no one should have to adjust from what they are accustomed to right? Wrong!

There is no golden age, no set decade, or pre-approved time frame that we can stop changing and stay the way we are in our attitude and maturity. Instead of pouting over what I didn’t have I needed to think about what I did have or even could have in the future.

Living without a driver’s license was going to take adjusting that’s for sure. It was made easy by the many wonderful people and resources reaching out to fill that need in my life. I could live without not being able to have the children I wanted to have. Going against doctor’s order I managed to be the mother of one and what a blessing that was. Raising a child, having seizures, and unable to work took enough adjusting to keep me preoccupied for years to come.

Staying in one spot, fighting against the inevitable is a dead end street. There are times when we do need to learn to adjust and make the most out of the situations we find ourselves in. They may resolve themselves or stay the way they are but we ourselves don’t have to. God is there to help us with our adjustments, giving us the spirit we need to endure, and overcome the things we have to learn to live with and without. The rest of the responsibility is ours. Thanks to the Lord we don’t have to do it alone. Praise the Lord.

Copyright 2008 Karen J. Gillett @ Pencil Marks and Recipes Publishing

Let go of the lead rope and let God do the leading

As much as I knew I wasn’t doing a good job of leading I found it difficult to let go of the lead rope of my life. I had plans and what was so wrong about wanting to keep them? Perhaps if I held on tighter I could win this tug-a-war I started. Wrong! The catchy saying that had caught my eye was stuck in my heart for a reason. If I was going to win over my stress seizures I was going to have to let go of not only the lead rope but all the other little strings along the way that was just adding to my stress level and causing more seizures.

String by string, rope by rope the connections were severed. Slowly God was doing the leading and it was me who was following Him around. Before I knew it stress seizures were disappearing. How could something so simple have such a big affect? I couldn’t figure it out but I didn’t have to in my heart because God was in charge of my life now and I liked it that way.

Up to a certain point in our lives we do need to be in charge of ourselves, if we aren’t then Satan will step in where we are faltering. However, the main person hanging on to the lead rope should never change. It should always be Jesus. A decision we will never regret. You can run your life through Jesus or let your life run you. The choice is ours but the consequences will be ours too for all eternity if we don’t have the right person in the front to follow, Jesus Christ.

Copyright 2008 Karen J. Gillett @ Pencil Marks and Recipes Publishing

When You're Reaching, Reach High

This catchy saying that found its way to my refrigerator door and bathroom mirror was there to remind me, of course, to “reach high. It was up to me to accept in my heart that I was worth something and deserved more. Staying where I was or barely reaching out was no longer acceptable. It was time to reach out as far as I possibly could with the Lord beside me to help.

The problem a lot of us have is we fail to reach out at all. We are too content to stay where we are, where little effort is needed to stay in that position. It’s up to us to find the balance between being too content and not reaching at all aiming high in our expectations and abilities.

Too frequently we stunt our own growth by not reaching for the best. We may never reach the expectations we were aiming for but it never hurts the journey to at least do our best. I had no idea at the time that I would successfully conqueror my stress seizures but I had to shoot for that mark in my life. The risk of a wasted trip was never an issue. Even the attempt of trying was more rewarding than literally going nowhere.

Reaching high for our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is the best move we could possibly make. Using the bumps along life’s road to climb on to get to Jesus. Learning to trust and rely on Him not ourselves to achieve our goals and to advance to places only He can take us.

A half extended arm doesn’t work. We need to be sure that our arm towards Jesus is fully extended. When we do, we soon notice that His arm too has always been and always will be fully outstretched to us. Praise the Lord!

If You Aim at Nothing You Will Hit it Every Time

This catchy saying caught my attention because of the flat out truth of it I couldn’t deny. I was given something to aim at and that was getting rid of the influence of stress in my life. If I stuck with it to the end I could possibly be cured of my epilepsy. If that never came about I knew that the trip I took to get there wouldn’t be a total waste. Any kind of victory over stress would definitely put me on the winning side, epileptic or not.

Don’t you think its kind of odd how we think we should be able to gain without trying? Win without entering the race or add to what we don’t have without effort. As nice as that all sounds it doesn’t work that way, oh, sorry if I burst any bubbles.

Now is the time to take aim, targeting that which comes from the Lord and not just a wild whim of our heart. Putting all we can in to it. Whether our full goal is reached or just part of it, it doesn’t matter. What’s important is, knowing that we have to aim at something. Why? Well because if we aim at nothing we will hit it every time.

The odds at winning the lottery are unbelievably high yet people keep trying for that target to win the millions of dollars at stake. Why not take aim at conqueroring stress and other issues in life, improving ourselves even though the odds at times don’t appear to be in our favor. The longer we stick with God, the better our odds and the greater our accomplishments as we aim for what is right, a life that glorifies Jesus. AMEN!

Winners Never Quit and Quitters Never Win

This “catchy saying” was a reminder to myself that no matter how discouraged I felt at times I had to keep on trying. Some days it was so frustrating that I didn’t care if I was a winner, I wanted to quit. I wasn’t sure it was worth the struggle to get to the finish line. I was tired. Seizures weren’t going away, other issues in life were mounting, how in the world could I possibly win.

It took a great effort to remind myself daily that I would never be a winner if I wound up quitting. At least if I kept on trying I had the hope of winning. If I stopped along the race in life and sat there and watched others run by I was never going to get anywhere. The fate of my epileptic life was in my hands, what was I going to do with it, quit?

No, I couldn’t do that. That is why it was important to remember in this race winning wasn’t based on whether I came out in first place or not, it was based on whether I finished the race at all. As long as I stuck with God as He was sticking with me I would come out ahead. I had no clue of the outcome of this adventure. I may never totally be cured of my seizures but already I was seeing a difference as they were decreasing. In some ways I was already a winner and I needed to remember that.

Satan doesn’t like seeing us come out ahead and he tries to convince us that we have no chance of winning. That we’ll never have what other people have, that we will never have a chance, that we will never……..and the list goes on. Its here, using the strength God provides that we need to tell him that he will never have us. No way, we may cross the finish line crawling and out of breathe but we needed to cross it anyway on our knees praying and relying and trusting in God. When we are on God’s team we all come out winners if we listen to our coach, Jesus Christ.

Copyright 2008 Karen J. Gillett Pencil Marks and Recipes Publishing

Only me just doesn’t work but God and I as a team does.

This “catchy saying” as with all the others caught my attention because I had tried handling life’s stresses alone but it got me nowhere. If I was going to accomplish anything with my epilepsy I was going to have to stick with what I knew was best and that was God and I working together as a team.

God was doing His part but unfortunately I wasn’t doing mine. I was allowing the stresses in life to get to me to the point they were controlling me through my stress seizures. I was never going to be able to conqueror what needed to be if I didn’t stay teamed up with Jesus.

The first step in this process was learning to trust and have faith in my fellow team player, Jesus. It was time to stop thinking of “Me, me, me” and focus more on us, and what we could do together. Separately I was bombarded with the stresses of life. The more life threw at me the more seizures I would have. I was stumbling over my own feet and efforts and tripping myself along the way.

Together I didn’t have to carry the load alone. Jesus was there to see me through and help. He was a companion to keep me company, a coach to show me what I needed to do, and a friend who would listen when the world was shutting me out. When I was weak it was His strength that kept me going. The more I got into my crossing the more I came to appreciate being a part of such a wonderful team. Christ would never let me carry the load alone and it was important I didn’t expect Him to, without me doing my part also.

Don't look at the size of the problem look at the size of God

Karen’s Crossing entry for February 5, 2008

This “catchy saying” was something that I needed to not only read daily but frequently throughout the day. Too easily Satan seems to be able to convince us that our problems are much bigger than they really are. For every seizure I had God seemed to be shrinking in size while my epilepsy got bigger and bigger. It wasn’t a quick lesson to learn but eventually I did the hard way that it was definitely wrong thinking. No matter how big of an issue I thought my epilepsy was it was important that I remind myself of the fact that God was still much bigger.

At one point in my walk Satan had me convinced that 1 John 4:4,5 was some kind of a misprint in the Bible that didn’t pertain to me. Wrong again Karen! “You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.” It did pertain to me especially due to the fact that I was a child of God and had been since I was a young teenager.

Praise the Lord this is a promise open to everyone who is a child from God. Thanks to Him who is in us we can overcome the one who is the world, Satan. The only time our vision gets distorted in this case is when we start to look at the size of the problem instead of the size of God. Nothing is impossible to God. He is bigger than any problem life can throw at us. He doesn’t need us. We need Him on our side. The choice is ours. If it takes daily frequent reminders then so be it because the time is now to start looking in the right direction, towards God instead of our problems.

Come Accepting not Demanding

Karen’s Crossing entry for January 31, 2008

It’s funny how it seems like we come into this world already in the demanding mode. We demand to be fed, have our diapers changed, be picked up, laid down to sleep, and so much more. If raised properly we soon learn in life that we can’t be so demanding of others. There’s certain things we need to demand of ourselves but always thinking we can get away with demanding all we want in life is not acceptable.

God doesn’t raise spoiled rotten kids. He spoils us that’s for sure but not to the point that its all about us and no one else. If I was going to have any hope at conquering my stress seizures I was going to have to come at it face-on with an attitude of acceptance. Accepting the fact that I had epilepsy instead of demanding the revenge I thought I was entitled to once I learned the cause. Accepting the cause rather than insist on the cure I decided I deserved.

I needed to accept instead of reject the idea that I had to do my part in this whole ordeal if I was going to move forward instead of backwards. Something I needed to remind myself of daily until I was able to form in my own heart a kind of AA club entitled, “Acceptance Anonymous.” Accepting what was going on in my life released a great deal of stress giving me room to move towards the cure I wanted so badly.

Just as important as accepting what is going on instead of demanding this and that is the balance that needs to be struck here. The balance between accepting things that are happening and doing nothing about it or accepting what we have and going from there. I could have acknowledged the fact that I had epilepsy to the point that I didn’t do anything about it but where would that have taken me? Nowhere! Just like someone who accepts they are an alcoholic or obese and goes on drinking and eating it’s a dead-end road.

God wants us to be content. He likes it when we aren’t always trying to get what we want through demanding it. However, He does expect us to take what we have and do something with it. We can’t be trying to justify our feelings of non-acceptance by irrational thinking. It doesn’t come easy but if we don’t give up it will come. If you think I accepted my stress seizure situation right off I hate to disappoint you but I didn’t. Someone had done me wrong therefore what I felt and what actions I wanted to take to get even was justified. Wrong again!

What I needed to do was accept what life had dealt me. Take it and do something with it. God was the path, the strength I needed to endure, and the solution to this worldwide epidemic called stress. The first move was mine, the first move is yours, don’t delay join AA today. Oh I made rhyme! Ha, Ha. Poetic or not come to God, give up your right to demand and watch yourself ,grow spiritually healthy in the Lord.