Karen's Crossing~~~A Full Plate

It was time for another trip to the doctor 's office. Leaving two patients alone in the chemotherapy room appeared dangerous today. Dangerous in the fact that the longer the lady next to me and I sat waiting for our treatment the more we began to giggle. Soon laughter was rolling around in the air and nurses began to dance to the tune of our silliness. At the end of our disruption we suddenly determined the fact that clinic was the one place where they keep asking you to come back in, in spite of your hang ups.

After raising chaos in the chemo room it was time to see the doctor.  The news he had or me was my RBC count was dropping, anemia was still an issue.  However, that wasn't where the list stopped. When he did stop he paused for a minute and asked me how my "fighter" was. After all, he added, 'you have a lot on your plate. You've had it pretty rough." 

When I got home I thought about what the doctor had said. As I thought I began to list the things on my plate. It wasn't like the plate a kid might fill. A plate where mom and dad can tell them they have a little too much on it so they need to choose what to put back.

Unfortunately sometimes it isn't as easy as that to do. Some things we find on our plate are naturally there, there by choice or by accident or by the luck of life's draw. They can be too much of a good thing and not enough of another.  

As I stared down at my plate I just created I looked intensely at the things I would like to take off. Through tears and anguish I quickly filled the top six on my list. They were my four cancers, which in turn would make medication maintenance and chemo treatments number five and six. 

As Jesus dealt with His anguish of asking God to remove what He was going through so did I (Mathew 26:39). In tears I cried out as Jesus did asking if it was possible to let the six things on my list pass from me and permanently be taken from my plate. 

It was there I felt a pause in my prayer. I had prayed as Jesus did but not completely. I stopped before adding the part, 'not as I will but as Your will be done.'  As much as I wanted a lighter plate it was going to have to be up to God and I needed to accept that. 

Life happens and we find ourselves holding a full plate. Our job is to not add unnecessary things to an already full load. Recently one thing I added unknowingly was the loss of my hair. Little did I know I wasn't accepting the inevitable. I was mourning the loss one hair at a time. Finally after breaking down I cut my hair and latter my husband shaved it for me to make it look better. 

The deal is, I needed to be like the lady and I were in the chemo room. I needed to be spending my time waiting for God in praise and laughter making those around me to join in song and dance. Dancing to the tune of 1 Corinthians 10:13 where we are promised by God that He won't give us more than we can bear. Praise the Lord. 

This is why, Jesus is the one, who like the clinic, is willing to ask us back no matter how goofy we are or worldly in our worries and fear. Therefore in a last attempt to hold up my full plate properly I cried out again and again:

Come Jesus help me hold my plate.
Come Jesus lighten my load.
Come, Jesus I am waiting
Come Jesus the Savior I know. 




Copyright March 2015 Karen J Gillett @ Pencil Marks and Recipes Publishing 
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Karen's Crossing~~~Good Courage

And David said to his son Solomon, "Be strong and of good courage, and do it; do not fear nor be dismayed, for the Lord God—my God—will be with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you, until you have finished all the work for the service of the house of the Lord.  1 Chron 28:20. 

According to Webster courage means the ability to do something you know is difficult or dangerous. Mental or moral strength to venture, preserve, and withstand danger, fear, and difficulty.  A description God uses in His word for courage (Bravery, daring, guts) is the descriptive word "good."

There's a lot of things in life that takes courage. To bungee cord jump off a bridge takes courage. To skydive from an airplane takes courage. To raise a child takes courage. To face the unknown takes courage. To face cancer or any long term illness takes courage. 

If you look at the list some of the things listed take courage that last long enough to get to the end of the task such as bungee jumping or skydiving. The others there is no end and thus courage must continue on. In order for courage to do us any good it must be a good courage that will last as long as the difficulty does and even beyond. 

False courage out of a bottle won't do. Fake courage from a candy bar or drugs or anything else other than God won't do either. We aren't meant to stand alone and be brave. We need God's strength to see us through. Good courage is a lasting courage. One that will eventually get us through that which we needed to face. 

Recently when I had to face my hair loss one day I thought I had ran out of courage. Waking up from a nap I looked at the mirror and started to cry and cry. As I reached for the scissors I began to whack away at my hair. The task of watching my hair slowly fall out was draining away on the backside of the courage I had left to handle such difficulty. 

At first I wanted it to fall out because my grandkids could see my two brain surgery scars. Unfortunately what it showed was scars being left behind from my cancer adventure. Little did I know they were there and what courage I had was soon to be gone. It was time for a new storage of good courage, the lasting kind not the kind that was false, fake, or non-lasting. 

In spite of feeling as if I couldn't laugh anymore it was time to step up boldly to God's throne and renew that courage and strength it was going to take to endure. With the help of prayers from myself and others as well as encouragement the supply Of courage I once thought was lost was found. 

As I look back now the bump in the road that had me temporarily stopped was overcome. The blocked view of what was ahead has become clear. I know in my heart, thanks to Jesus, each time I have to bungee jump off the bridge of dealing with cancer to face new news I will do so in the courage and strength God supplies. 

Why? Because I am promised I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Philippines 4:13. As long as I go through Him it will be a good and everlasting courage. Praise the Lord. 

Copyright 2015 Karen J Gillett @ Pencil Marks and Recipes Publishing

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Karen's Crossing~~~ God's Not Dead

Just as the day was lined with busyness and laughter it looked like it was going to follow us into the evening. After trying on grandma's wigs and watching their grandpa model one too the grandkids and I settled down to watch a movie they wanted me to see.

Little did I know what had started out a funny evening was soon going to turn into one of tears. Tears of joy as well as pain as the movie was one of great value and worth. 

It was the movie I had missed in the theatre when it first came out. The movie called "God's not Dead." Interesting enough when the movie was in the theater I was all ready to see it. Hot in my pocket was the money I had set aside to take my grandkids to it.

Unfortunately we never got to go then as my cancer was acting up. In fact soon I would find out my medicine had stopped working and my cancer was spreading. Fear and worry was in the air. 

However, a year later here I was not in the movie theater but in my own house about to watch what I once missed. Tonight as I watched the movie the tears of yesterday year came back to me. I knew in my heart I owed God a big thanks for stopping me from seeing the movie back then because neither my grandkids nor I would have been strong enough to listen to the message it had to give. 

In the heart of the story one of the characters finds out she has cancer and her boyfriend leaves her.  Another character was mad at God because his mom died from cancer when he was a little boy. His argument was how can you believe in a God who allows such a thing to happen. The girl with cancer was hoping what she was hearing about God was true because she knew she was dying. 

To listen to her cry out, "I'm dying I'm dying," brought tears to my eyes as I heard it in my own voice. A voice once crying out in the wilderness of despair and pain at a concert one night I had went to with my family. Crying silently inward drowning in my own pain were the words, "I'm dying I'm dying, this could be my last concert I'll ever see. What exactly did tomorrow have to hold?"

Self pity and fear was in the air and like in the movie I needed someone to remind me God wasn't dead He was more than alive. Slowly that message was reinforced in my heart as it was in the movie. One by one the characters in the story, thanks to a young boy, came to the conclusion God wasn't dead. In fact He was surely alive as the Newsboys put it in their song.


Just because we get cancer or dad comes down with dementia or mom has a major stroke or a child dies in a car accident doesn't make God dead. Life happens as it happens to all of us. What we do with what happens is up to us. 

Getting mad at God won't change the circumstances. Blaming Him and the world isn't going to improve the situation. Running into a dark corner to hide won't bring light to an already dark situation. Drinking our fears away may work for a night but they always seem to return to haunt us another day. 

The best thing we can do is to know God isn't dead. He hasn't left us or forsaken us just because things happen. It's because He is alive that we can live for all eternity if we so choose. 

Lately I've been told by several people that if God calls me home the one thing they will miss the most about me is my writing. To God be the glory on that one. It's because He is alive I am able to write thru a gift He has given me. The ink may be mine but the words are His. It's a gift that has allowed me to leave a paper trail to Jesus for those around me to follow. 

It would do us all good to remember God is as alive as we allow Him to be in our lives. However, it's important to realize He's never as dead as we make Him out to be simply because He lives. 

To quote a famous song once written, "because He lives I can face..." a lot of things such as:
Because He lives I can face my cancer. 
Because He lives I can face my dad's dementia. 
Because He lives I can face my mother not being able to talk to me because of her stroke. 
Because He lives I am able to face the pain alcohol can cause to some people or the pain of my cancer. 
Because He lives I can smile when the world tells me I should really be crying. 
Because He lives I can get out of bed in the morning when my cancer stricken body says 'No stay in, you've got a good excuse.'
Because He lives I can go to church in pain and come out refreshed and ready to face tomorrow 

Because He lives we all can face tomorrow. It doesn't matter how many we have left to face we can face them. 

So to you my wig wearing grandkids with me tonight and all my others whether mine by blood or adopted by love I say to you, "This is the trail I leave you on because God lives so does grandma. And so can you. Seek God, the one who's more than surely alive."

Love forever, 

Grandma 

Copyright 2015 Karen J Gillett @ Pencil Marks and Recipe Publishing

Sent from my iPhone