I made it

My journey at the Cancer Treatment Center is complete. After going thru the series of testing they found out what my doctor is doing is exactly what I need right now. As long as the oral chemotherapy pills are keeping my tumor markers down then I'm okay. There are four or five pills I can go thru before I run out of options and have to go to chemotherapy infusions.

I learned about nutrition and got some ideas about meal planning. I found out that I don't have to be scared of sugar. The nutritionist said that we need some carbs in our bodies so the thing I heard about cancer loving sugar is only partially true.

The atmosphere at the Center was very encouraging and positive. I was treated well all the way from limo rides from the airport to discounted foods at the cafeteria daily. There was always a hug around every corner and people offering a helping hand in one way or the other.

Once when I was having my MRI, CAT scan, and Bone scans done Don ran into a gentleman that was having a hard time with his wife's cancer. She had spent the night before tossing around in bed crying, "I don't want to die, I don't want to die!" His bloodshot eyes and drenched tears were a sure sign of his stress and concern. Don encouraged him that things were going to be okay. The next day I got to meet him and offered him the same encourage as he had a little more of a smile on his face than the day before.

The whole thing was a journey I think my spirit needed and I'm so glad that my sister Juli and niece Stephanie enouraged me to go. Only those two could have done it for some reason, they seem to challenge me for some reason. In a good way. Nycol was great too as her and the grandkids took care of the homefront. I told her at the airport I still had that one empty pocket I wanted to put her in to take her with me but it wasn't big enough. Rats! Oh well, I know she was with me in spirit and that counts sometimes more than a physical appearance.

To my Facebook pals I have to give you praise too for all your prayers and words of encouragement sent my way. It helps to have a great support group as each one of those people at the Cancer Treatment Center requires.

Luv,

Karen

Karen's Crossing--21 Year Mile Marker

Hello Readers! Today was a special day in my journey through Karen’s crossings. It was the anniversary of the day I was cured of my epilepsy. For twenty one years this date has come and gone and quietly I have cherished it as the “day I was cured.” It was quite the accomplishment after being disabled for twelve years with my epilepsy to be finally freed.


Year after year I always looked forward to that special moment to celebrate silently to myself the “day of my cure.” However, this year as the date approached I began to notice new mixed emotions arriving along with it on the calendar year. They were feelings and thoughts that recently came aboard uninvited.


My little stowaways just couldn’t wait to reveal themselves unexpectedly. Therefore last night as my husband and I ended our day I started to cry. “What’s the matter, Karen?” he asked as he tried to get an answer out of me. “Oh, it’s foolish. Never mind.” I said as I cried harder and harder. My husband may have fallin’ for that answer several times over the years but he wasn’t going to last night. “No,’ he told me, ‘I want to know what’s wrong!”


Sob, sob, sob…..‘I can’t say it, I’m crying too much,” was my reply. Determined to get an answer from me I finally managed to calm down long enough to speak. I told him for 21 years a certain day has come and gone without too much notice but this year it was totally different. I was no longer ‘cured.” Puzzled by my answer I think he was wondering if I had a seizure after twenty one years and that meant I was no longer cured of my epilepsy. “No, it had nothing to do with my epilepsy,’ I told him. ‘It’s foolish. It’s foolish,” was the farthest I could get.


Impatiently waiting to hear my explanation I finally managed to tell him, that because of my bone and breast cancer I could no longer see myself as “cured.” For 21 years I rejoiced over being “cured” but I wasn’t any longer. As foolish as it sounded it was what was in my heart. I had got stuck on that word “cure” and didn’t even know it. Practically dumbfounded by my train of thought the best he could do was hold my hand in silence.


I don’t know how it made him feel after our talk but it sure helped me to get out what I was holding inside. Often in life that’s the best thing we can do for one another is just take the time to pay attention to other people’s silliness or foolish thinking when they need someone to hear. Our job is not to make sense of it all but just simply listen.


All throughout my epilepsy whenever I had a seizure people would reach out and hold my hand until my seizure had passed. I know in my heart that it will be no different with my battle with cancer. I have been cured of my seizures and that is still something worth celebrating. Where I got off thinking that would be the end of my bad health I don’t know. If you think about it the Bible never tells us that the blind beggar was cured and never got sick again. Or the epileptic boy was freed from his seizures never to have another health problem again.


Life happens and we have to take it one day at a time. We can celebrate the good, look forward to more blessings but always be prepared in our hearts to endure the roadblocks and stumbling stones we encounter along the way. I once heard that what we are filled with is what will come out of us when we are punctured by circumstances and people in life.


When I am punctured I want to be so full of the Holy Spirit that only it can be seen emerging out of my heart, soul, and mind. My goal, may it always be to get the Holy Spirit to flow quicker and stronger than the tears that want to surface. Perhaps someday the stowaways I have on board will be God’s angels on board for the ride in a sea of Holy Spirit, in a soul set on God.


Happy Anniversary, to my cure from epilepsy.
I may have cancer but cancer doesn’t have me!

Karen's Crossings~~~~~ A Matter of Perspective

Talking the other day with my mother-in-law about the news I got from the doctor she immediately jumped in and said, “Wow that is great news!” Great news, what was seeing we weren’t? After talking to her it was obvious to see what she was observing verses what we focused on. To her, she saw my tumor markers going down. To me, I was seeing them not quite back to normal yet. To her, she saw my medicine was working. To me, all I could see was the fact that I just learned I was going to have to be on them for life.

If you think about it we all have our own perspective of things. Some see things differently than we do and it can be helpful to get that fresh look. Personally it felt good to see it all from her eyes, the eyes of a breast cancer survivor herself. After all our focus was slightly blurred due to all the events that were happening lately.

Honestly whether we want to admit it or not it would be terrible if people encouraged us along the line of our current thinking especially when we are feeling down? For example, at the time I was feeling like a sitting duck. If my mother-in-law would have taken it from there and encouraged me in my own perspective or frame of mind it would have sounded something like this, “Oh Karen, sit still. Let life hit you. Remember you’re the sitting duck you have no hope, it’s just a matter of time so get over it. Let the situation pluck your feathers one by one.”


Praise the Lord her encouragement and the encouragement of many others have not been that way. I’m glad there are people around me that give me good encouragement who don’t build off my own frustrations. Encouraging people is what it’s all about. As stubborn as we would like to be it helps to have someone clear our vision for us to show us a better perspective of what we are looking at.


Currently I have a co-worker who is going through the cancer travel course herself with her husband. Because I am one step ahead of her in the game it’s been helpful for her to sit down and chat about things that are going on. God himself told us that we need to encourage others with the same encouragement we got ourselves.


People who encourage others are the cheerleaders along life’s road needed to give confidence to a weary soul. They have the ability to pick up and carry an exhausted passenger traveling down a road too long and hard for them to handle at the time. They often can serve as the rest stop needed to get a refreshing start to finish life’s journey. They are not there to take over and do our journey for us but they certainly help along the way.

It’s one thing to give encouragement and another to be able to take it. The last thing we need to do is stubbornly hold on to our first perspective of things when life hits us hard while we shut out anything others may have to say including God. Doing that only makes our journey longer and less fruitful in the end. The only person who can make me the “sitting duck” I thought I was in my first perspective is me if I decide to stay there in my thinking.

God hasn’t let me down. He’s lifting me up drawing me closer to Him day by day. That’s one perspective in my life that will never change. Oh, I’m being stubborn? No, I’m being truthful. Oh what a mighty God we serve.

Good News

I just wanted to let everyone know I got some good news today from my doctor. The lump in my breast is gone and in its place scar tissue is forming. My oral chemotherapy medicine appears to be working. Thanks so much for all your love and prayers.


Today before going to my doctor’s appointment a lady in my Bible Study asked me if I was keeping a positive outlook on life. I told her I was. She said it was great to hear that I wasn’t allowing it to get to me or fall into a deep depression over it.


After speaking with her for a minute I got to thinking about what she said. All the things she asked me about were things I went through when I had epilepsy. I struggled terribly with a negative outlook. I fell into the “why me?” trap hook line and sinker. I attempted to quit and give in on a daily basis. For years I fought more with myself thru all these things than I did my seizures.


It was after I found out that 90% of my seizures were stressed caused that I had to end the nonsense and get to living what I knew to be true. I couldn’t worry any more, I couldn’t harbor my anger towards the situation life had dealt me. I had to straighten up and stay strong. What a wonderful thing it was back then as well as now to watch God do just that for me. He supplied me with the strength required to endure.

Life’s interesting isn’t it? Today the good news was scar tissue was forming over the dead tissue of my lump. The bad news 20 years ago was that the scar tissue from a previous brain surgery was causing my seizures. I guess you never know but one thing is for sure, the Lord is the same today as He was back then and He will be tomorrow. You couldn’t ask for a better person to travel with.

Thanks everyone for traveling along with me and keeping me going in your prayers and encouragement. As I told my sisters I may not be out of the woods yet but I do know one thing I’m in the arms of the Lord and that is what counts the most.

I want to write more but I better run off to bed, it’s been an exciting day.

In love W.I.T.H. Jesus,

Karen

Wonders Beyond Measure

“What wonders a bit of encouragement can do! It’s one of the most awesome treasures God has given us – the ability to inspire, motivate, and reassure others. ~Barbara Johnson~
Encouragement is a very big thing if you think about it. It’s something everyone requires. It’s something everyone needs to be able to give. It has the ability to be used for the good or the bad of others and ourselves. It carries with it tremendous power and the ability to perform great wonders.

Long before I was cured of my epilepsy I began to write my autobiography. I wanted to thank the people who were there for me through thick and thin during my epilepsy. The purpose was to express my gratitude for them being my encouragers, cheerleaders, and strength when I needed it the most. All of which stemmed from the encouragement they unconditionally had offered me. It wasn’t so much their words for me as it was the grasp of their hand. Even as I type tears revisit my eyes thinking about this special form of encouragement.

This silent form of support said a lot to me. For every seizure I had there was always someone near by holding my hand as they patiently waited for me to return from the seizure I was coming out of. The seizures have long since gone but the grasping of my hand will never go away or be forgotten. That is what encouragement is all about. It’s being there beside someone taking the time to reach out to say, “Hey, you’re not alone. You can do it. You can make it.” It doesn’t have to be in words it can be in a hug, a grasping of the hand, even a smile as they all carry their own message of support and love.

Encouragement indeed is a wonder that is world wide. A treasure or resource not restricted to one certain place, providence, or person. It’s the back-up we give out that will take others through tough times. For every note of encouragement we give the world is right there trying to match it with some sort of discouragement.

That’s why it’s important we should never leave a day behind without leaving some form of encouragement also. A card in the mail, a voice on the phone, a hug, and a smile may be the very elastic or inspiration someone needed to bounce them back in place to keep them from breaking.

A grasping hand holding on to a gasping heart does wonders beyond measure. God does it for us. We need to do it for others.

© 2010 Karen J. Gillett @ Pencil Marks and Recipes Publishing

The Entire Course

“Like any mom, at times I’ve felt like a failure. And other times I’ve felt as if God reached down and added an extra touch of sunshine to the day.” By author Tricia Goyer, on her webpage


In the life of a mom or anyone else there are going to be those most define moments of ups and downs. We are going to fail for real. We are going to fail not for real but only in our minds. At times it will feel as if God made a special trip just to sprinkle sunshine on our day while other moments feel like the darkness will never end. Either way can speed up the journey or slow it down tremendously.

It is said that in parenting it’s the days that seem long but the years seem short. Long or short, fast or slow on this journey we need to be sure and stay away from the trap Satan likes to put before us. The trap of feeling like a failure and as if God has left us in the dark.

It is from the trap of feeling like a failure that Satan beats us over the head with the stick of guilt to keep us down. The words he uses to echo in our minds and hearts pen us down to the point we find it difficult to get back up. Words such as, “Oh you’re not good enough. Look at what you did. If you only would have done that. She makes a better mom than you do…….” and his list goes on and on and the stick gets bigger and bigger.

The key to the whole thing is the words “at times.” There’s no doubt about it that there will be moments in our lives where we will fail but we don’t have to feel like a failure. These incidents should be allowed to stay only long enough to grab on to the lessons we can learn not the guilt we can tie ourselves up with. After all a failure is not someone who has fallen but one who stays down and won’t get back up.

Praise the Lord for those flashes of sunshine used to get us going again at the right time and place. I’ve seen it myself in the form of a rainbow show in the sky He put on just for me. It showed up once in the form of an unexpected card in the mail. A deer in my yard, a song in my heart, a sprout of a seed I thought would never take root in my daughter.

Failing one test doesn’t cause us to fail the whole course of being a mom, only we can do that.



Today our host is Loni at her blog, Writing Canvas. It’s a must that you get over there and share with the gang on today’s wonderful quote given to us to think and ponder upon.

Karen's Crossings---Never let Go

Today on Karen’s Crossings instead of continuing to talk about the quotes I used to help me battle my stress seizures I want to stop and offer my prayers to the family of someone who recently received the same type of head injury I did 40 years ago, a subdural hematoma. The end result of her story isn’t as pleasant as my own. Her name was Natasha Richardson who died on March 18, 2009 from a head injury she received while learning how to ski. A neighbor of ours when I was growing up received the same type of injury when a horse he was petting swung its head around striking the man on the side of the head and killing him instantly.

I haven’t any answers only questions myself on why one survives and another doesn’t. If you look around its something that appears to be the norm in all battles whether it’s with cancer or other health issues, marital problems, struggles raising kids, or anything else. One survives while another goes down. The only difference between the two is the survivor gets up when they have gone down while the other stays down once knocked by life into that position.

Some of the elements involved are totally out of our control and they are ones we need to be willing to accept. However the key element here is concentrating on things we do have control over that need our attention. Things such as our attitude, determination, measure of weakness, areas of strength and depth of our faith. Also our willingness to fight to win and finish well instead of calling it quits.

As I’ve told you before my journey didn’t end with the head injury at the age of 12 years old. It soon led to a brain surgery that led to epilepsy that led to stress seizures and my disability that took me closer to Christ and still another brain surgery and a cure as the adventure continues some 19 years later. It wasn’t the road I had planned to take in life but it’s where I wound up.

The focus should never be on the road but how we journey it. I have to confess I wasn’t always the best traveling companion to Jesus. There were moments of anger, doubt, frustration, impatience, and a strong desire to call it quits. I wiggled and grumbled to fight against what life had given me instead of fighting to win. Praise the Lord God held on and He never let me go.

We must never doubt that God is in control and the fact that we need to allow Him to have that control over us. We waste too much time fighting the elements instead of concentrating on what we can change. My anger towards the girl who caused my initial head injury didn’t do me a bit of good. It only added to my stress seizures that postponed my final cure.

We are not alone on our journey. God is there to see us through. He’s not there to keep us pain free and problem free but to lead us along a path that gets us to Heaven. A journey that will mature us spiritually giving us the kind of growth needed to be a survivor in a world full of pain.

Times of wiggling may come and go but never, never let go of the precious hand of God.

© 2009 Karen J. Gillett @ Pencil Marks and Recipes Publishing

Bug Off Satan, Bug Off!

October 28, 2008 IOW

No evil shall befall you, Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling; For He shall give His angels charge over you, To keep you in all your ways. Psalm 91:10-11

When reading Psalm 91 we find the entire chapter packed with important issues that come before and after verses 10 and 11. Concerns and topics that show us what we need to do in order to claim the promise stated in these verses.

Many have contributed these verses to Christ as even Satan quoted them to Jesus during the time of His temptation. Whether or not these verses were intended to directly point to Jesus alone there is still a rock here we all need to stand on.

The rock of trusting God making Him our refuge, fortress, and secret dwelling place found under the shadow of the Almighty Himself. Taking advantage of the shield of protection found in the power of His truth to fight the good fight of faith. Using it to stand tall against the evil in the world as we shout aloud or to ourselves saying, “God is MY refuge, MY fortress, MY God!” Praise the Lord.

It is here where we find our hope to keep us going when the world is telling us we might as well give up. It is the strength required to finish the journey. To go upstream when the majority of the surge is headed down. To be the single light in a room full of darkness that can make a difference for others to find their way to Christ.

Thanks to what God has to offer us we don’t need to be afraid of the terror by night nor the arrow that flies by day or the pestilence that walks in darkness. In other words God is our hope because we made that first initial step to “trust in Him.”

On the American coin they are starting to put “In God we trust” on the outer edge of the coin out of sight for those who are offended by what the country was founded on. We can’t do that in our Christian lives. We need to keep it out in the open as a reminder to ourselves, a warning sign to Satan, as an invitation to others to join us. “In God I trust.”

In Psalm 122:7 It says, “The Lord shall preserve you from all evil; He shall preserve your soul.” Praise the Lord for that promise! The hope is for us. It’s there for us to claim. Our job is to get into the face of evil and say, “God is MY safeguard bug off!”

Unfortunately as one of the ladies in my Bible Study recently told me, “you can’t hurt Satan’s feelings, he just keeps coming back over and over again.” Each time he returns we still need to be standing there in the strength of the Lord with our “no trespassing” sign held high. Using it not only as a reminder to Satan but most importantly a reminder to ourselves that God is MY refuge, MY fortress, MY God, MY safeguard. Bug off buddy, BUG OFF!”

We need to be like Aaron and Hur during the battle with Amalek in Exodus 17. Before the battle began Moses took the rod of God in his hand. Whenever he held it up the Israelites prevailed. When he let his arms down the enemy prevailed. To help Moses out Aaron and Hur held his arms up for him whenever he got tired. That way Israel would triumph and they did.

We need to hold up the arms of those around us that are getting tired or worn out fighting against Satan and his evil. Propping them up with the hope that is there for them to claim. Packing around them the encouragement they need to stay strong while holding on to the rod of God, the word of God that is the rock in which all of us need to stand.

"Dear Heavenly Father thank you Lord for giving us the ability to fight against the evil Satan promotes. Often it feels like he’s winning but that is just one of the many lies he tries to plant in our heads. May we never forget what you told us in 1 John 4:4 that greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world. Praise you Lord for that truth, praise you Lord for that rock.”

Bug off Satan, Bug off!

Our host today is Loni over at Writing Canvas. Get on over there and join in the fun of sharing with one another today’s quote from God Himself.

God's Cheerleaders

July 8, 2008 IOW

“The Christian life is a pilgrimage. At times the road is difficult and we get lonely. Sometimes we may get discouraged and consider abandoning the journey. It is at such times that God will place a friend alongside us. One of God’s most precious gifts to us is friends who encourage us and lovingly challenge us to ‘keep going.’ “ By Henry T. Blackaby & Richard Blackaby from their devotional book, Experiencing God

When I read this quote from the Blackaby’s I think of Jesus suddenly appearing on the road to Emmaus. Out of nowhere Jesus appears beside the two who were walking along chatting about recent events. They didn’t recognize Him at first but after the fact realized who He was.

The road we travel, as Christians can be a difficult and lonely road as well as discouraging to the point we feel like giving up. Struggling daily to stay on track can be far from easy, especially in a world that tells us its okay to be off track with God’s Word simply because we’ve hit another century. Feeling out numbered in a large world, the sentiment of being all alone slips in and brings on a discouragement that can be hard to fight. Feeling as if we can’t make the journey, that we have failed along the way, that the fight isn’t worth it so why not quit.

Why not? Because truly we are not alone and there is no failure too big for God’s grace to not cover. To show that, God works hard at keeping us moving forward instead of backwards as He places alongside us people who sometimes appear out of nowhere when we need them the most. We may recognize the fact while at other times we don’t even realize it until afterwards a friend in disguised used to encourage us to keep on going.

In my journey as an adult God has posted many cheerleader friends along my path to keep me moving forward. Discouraging situation after disappointing situations seemed to like the path I was walking on to the point I was ready to step aside and give them the right away. Allowing them to have the road instead of trying to fight my way to the end. My reasoning was it wasn’t God that I was giving up on but myself, figuring I wasn’t able to do what it took to go on.

However, it was God I was giving up on. It showed in my thinking that “I” didn’t have what it took to go on. Well “Duh, Karen. “I” didn’t but God did.” Daily He shows that to all of us as He posts cheerleader after cheerleader friends along our paths whether we are paying attention or not to encourage us to keep our eyes on God not on the things that serve as great discouragements. The choice becomes ours to listen or ignore. Turn our backs on what God is trying to do for us or take notice and use it to go on. Paying close attention to those check points along life where those friends are waiting.

CLOSING THOUGHT: There are times when that friend seems to be hidden. They aren’t there where we think they need to be. We blame them for not being around to give us the encouragement we needed to do what was required of us to move on. We fail to see that sometimes the friend is inside of us in the form of the Holy Spirit giving us the strength and encouragement needed to go on. Something also found embedded in the pages of God’s word as scripture verses pop out of nowhere to refuel a tired and empty heart. The job of friend and encourager is never reserved for outside sources but can be found in ourselves as we do what it takes to be our own friend instead of our worse enemy. A worthwhile process that carries on to the point God is able to use us to stand at the checkpoints in other people’s lives to give them what is needed to go on. Be a cheerleader. Listen to God’s cheerleaders. They’re there for a reason.

Our host this week is Bonnie over at Ink It Blog. Wonder on over there and join the fun of sharing or reading about today’s quote.