Karen's Crossing~~~ God's Not Dead

Just as the day was lined with busyness and laughter it looked like it was going to follow us into the evening. After trying on grandma's wigs and watching their grandpa model one too the grandkids and I settled down to watch a movie they wanted me to see.

Little did I know what had started out a funny evening was soon going to turn into one of tears. Tears of joy as well as pain as the movie was one of great value and worth. 

It was the movie I had missed in the theatre when it first came out. The movie called "God's not Dead." Interesting enough when the movie was in the theater I was all ready to see it. Hot in my pocket was the money I had set aside to take my grandkids to it.

Unfortunately we never got to go then as my cancer was acting up. In fact soon I would find out my medicine had stopped working and my cancer was spreading. Fear and worry was in the air. 

However, a year later here I was not in the movie theater but in my own house about to watch what I once missed. Tonight as I watched the movie the tears of yesterday year came back to me. I knew in my heart I owed God a big thanks for stopping me from seeing the movie back then because neither my grandkids nor I would have been strong enough to listen to the message it had to give. 

In the heart of the story one of the characters finds out she has cancer and her boyfriend leaves her.  Another character was mad at God because his mom died from cancer when he was a little boy. His argument was how can you believe in a God who allows such a thing to happen. The girl with cancer was hoping what she was hearing about God was true because she knew she was dying. 

To listen to her cry out, "I'm dying I'm dying," brought tears to my eyes as I heard it in my own voice. A voice once crying out in the wilderness of despair and pain at a concert one night I had went to with my family. Crying silently inward drowning in my own pain were the words, "I'm dying I'm dying, this could be my last concert I'll ever see. What exactly did tomorrow have to hold?"

Self pity and fear was in the air and like in the movie I needed someone to remind me God wasn't dead He was more than alive. Slowly that message was reinforced in my heart as it was in the movie. One by one the characters in the story, thanks to a young boy, came to the conclusion God wasn't dead. In fact He was surely alive as the Newsboys put it in their song.


Just because we get cancer or dad comes down with dementia or mom has a major stroke or a child dies in a car accident doesn't make God dead. Life happens as it happens to all of us. What we do with what happens is up to us. 

Getting mad at God won't change the circumstances. Blaming Him and the world isn't going to improve the situation. Running into a dark corner to hide won't bring light to an already dark situation. Drinking our fears away may work for a night but they always seem to return to haunt us another day. 

The best thing we can do is to know God isn't dead. He hasn't left us or forsaken us just because things happen. It's because He is alive that we can live for all eternity if we so choose. 

Lately I've been told by several people that if God calls me home the one thing they will miss the most about me is my writing. To God be the glory on that one. It's because He is alive I am able to write thru a gift He has given me. The ink may be mine but the words are His. It's a gift that has allowed me to leave a paper trail to Jesus for those around me to follow. 

It would do us all good to remember God is as alive as we allow Him to be in our lives. However, it's important to realize He's never as dead as we make Him out to be simply because He lives. 

To quote a famous song once written, "because He lives I can face..." a lot of things such as:
Because He lives I can face my cancer. 
Because He lives I can face my dad's dementia. 
Because He lives I can face my mother not being able to talk to me because of her stroke. 
Because He lives I am able to face the pain alcohol can cause to some people or the pain of my cancer. 
Because He lives I can smile when the world tells me I should really be crying. 
Because He lives I can get out of bed in the morning when my cancer stricken body says 'No stay in, you've got a good excuse.'
Because He lives I can go to church in pain and come out refreshed and ready to face tomorrow 

Because He lives we all can face tomorrow. It doesn't matter how many we have left to face we can face them. 

So to you my wig wearing grandkids with me tonight and all my others whether mine by blood or adopted by love I say to you, "This is the trail I leave you on because God lives so does grandma. And so can you. Seek God, the one who's more than surely alive."

Love forever, 

Grandma 

Copyright 2015 Karen J Gillett @ Pencil Marks and Recipe Publishing

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Pity Party Invitation has been cancelled

Okay people I have had it!  I give up. I can't take it any more. I am sick of all this. I'm having a pity party and you are all invited. Refreshments will be served such as sorry for me soup, things are terrible tea, and down in the dumps,so I might as well stay there, dessert. 

Being the host of this party it's my duty to go first so let me begin by setting out the refreshments. 

1. I'm sick of taking all these medications. For someone who never "did drugs" I'm living off them now. 

It's those drugs that have extended your life four years and keep you going for whatever time frame God has in store for you ahead.  

2. I can't hike up a mountain trail, climb rocks, or walk any great distance, or sit too long in one place because of my bone cancer. 

Honestly I never did want to climb rocks. Riding a mountain trail on a horse sounds more appealing, although that would hurt too. Just the same the mountains still hold a beauty that sustains me. Everyone needs a balance between sitting too much and walking too far. 

3. I had to quit a job I loved and had for 17 years in order to go off and die because my cancer was getting the best of me making it difficult to work. 

I was blessed to find such a job and given such an opportunity after being out of the work force because of my epilepsy.  The memories and friendships I have picked up over the years will never die but only further blossom. 

4. Every time I've gone into the doctor it seems like my cancer has spread some place new. 

What is spreading more rapidly is your witness for Christ and how His strength, love, mercy and grace works. Modern technology is wonderful as its able to catch things early. 

5. My radiation treatment made me so sick I couldn't eat and lost forty pounds. 

You've never had such a successful diet. You look good and feel great. You learned you could survive without certain foods and you could learn to live on less of others. 

6. My epilepsy 25 years ago and now my cancer has robed me of my independence. I can't be a free woman. 

You're are blessed to be surrounded by such a fantastic support team. It's something you wouldn't give up for the world. In Christ you are free. Cancer can't bind you up or enslave you unless you allow it. You are a free woman thanks to God. 

7. Worry, worry, worry. I am tired of worrying all the time. I worry about my tumor markers going up, my cancer spreading, falling down and breaking my bone cancer stricken pelvis. I worry about my family being ok if I'm called home to Heaven early. 

If you're worrying too much that's your fault not your cancer's. God tells you not to worry for tomorrow has enough of its own. You need to trust God more and lean on His wisdom and strength not your own. Remember to just glance at your troubles yet stare towards Jesus. 

Suddenly after attempting to set up the refreshment table for my pity party something hit me. I was no longer feeling sorry for myself. Things weren't as terrible as I made them out to be. I may have visited the dumps but I didn't have to stay.

Really I had a lot to be thankful for. A lot to praise God for. God hadn't left me. I was the one who moved away from Him in my attitude and choices.

Therefore my "invitees" I am pleased to announce the pity party has been cancelled. Instead come and bring your own thankful tea, praise God always punch, and don't forget what God is doing and has done for you dessert.

We will celebrate being blessed.

Love

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Skipped Church to go to Church

Feeling on the emotional side I knew the first time the choir sang that it would put an end to what strength I had. Having traveled that road before I recognized the signs. Although my family both inside and outside the church love me I knew I needed to go somewhere alone with God.

The storms of life were moving in so quickly even a qualified weatherman could not keep up with them. Emotions were backing up on to burst through a false wall of strength only to reveal a staggering weakness and a desire to simply collapse.

Where could I go I wondered. Where could I meet God? As I got into the car a road sign attracted my attention. Smith State park it said just 5 miles north of where I was.  Slowly I followed the signs in hope of not getting lost. Finally I arrived at my destination   It's beauty captured my attention right off. God was here before me as he was the one who painted and designed this state park location.

God was here then and God is here again now with me. For each hiker that passes me by with their water bottle and camera in hand I have with me the Creator of water. The one who makes you want to stop and take a picture of such artwork and design.

Breathing a sigh of relief I said to myself why can't Gods presence be so overwhelming in my life. Detecting a touch of pity coming on I reached for my Bible to quench my spiritual thirst before going on.

How dare I not think that His presence is not overwhelming in my life as it is within the rock cliffs at Smith Rock state park. God is my rock in whom I stand upon. A rock bigger and mightier than the ones I was looking at today.

Storms may be rocking my world right now but My Rock, my God will not move away from me. His presence is there I just need to concentrate on it no differently than the hikers concentrating on the narrow trail that leads to the top of their rock where they were climbing.

God has me on a path and I need to concentrate on following Him up it. There is no time for pity I have a trail to climb to keep moving forward.

Stay close to your car the ranger told me at the park. Stay close to God my heart told me in order to ride out the storm. The only Rock in this strong storm is the Rock I stand upon in Christ Jesus. 

Thank you Lord for the oldest church in the world the one created by you. The choir was your birds singing. The message you gave was straight from Your heart to mine. Psalm 61:1,2 hear my cry O God: listen to my prayer. From the end of the earth I will cry to you, when my heart is overwhelmed and fainting. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, yes a rock that is too high for me. 

Isaiah 26:4 so trust in The Lord ( commit yourself to Him, lean on Him, hope confidently in Him) forever for The Lord God is an everlasting Rock (the Rock of Ages).

I'm glad I attended. I am glad I came.
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Karen's Crossings~~~~~~ An Upward Climb

“Be there at noon!” was the orders from Wayne, our chauffeur. The pastor from our church who had preached there for 27 years before he retired had finally graduated to heaven. A two hour trip over a mountain pass to his funeral was our way of saying “Goodbye and thanks.”

 

Coming fully supplied for the trip I had my crochet project I was working on, my Bible to read, and my cane. I didn’t know if I would need the crochet project or Bible for entertainment purposes but I knew for sure I would need the cane. The trip over and back in one afternoon wasn’t going to set well with my body and I was right. It was a good thing Wayne thought of bringing along a step ladder to help those who needed it into the van.

 

As we made our first pit stop in Mill City the task of getting out of the van was difficult. After sitting for over an hour my legs and hips just didn’t seem to want to move. With the help of Wayne and Toni, one of the passengers I managed to get out.

While walking to the restroom I felt a touch of self-pity start to zoom in on my spirit. The memories of long ago when I hated to be babysat when I had seizures flooded in as I found myself in that position again with my cancer. As I attempted to shake the feelings it was creating within me I began to wonder where in the world is the hole to the funnel.

Hole to what funnel? The funnel that seems to suck you in so quickly and unexpectedly into that pity me, I’m worthless, I’m no good, I’m a nuisance to those around me, I ‘m a bother to have to babysit, and the list goes on. There I was sucked in and hanging on the edge peeking out. In an attempt to keep these negative thoughts from making a nest in my head and staying longer than they should I fought against them till they were shaken lose.

Yes I had more important things to concentrate on, like my walking. To step up into the van I always had to hesitate and decide which leg I wanted to use to make that first step. A couple of times people had to push me gently in my back to help in the boost upward. As the journey went on and the pain got worse I found myself concentrating on each step I took as if it required every brain cell I had to get me to move one leg at least two inches forward.

 

Finally while sitting at the funeral I had what I call my “pain ball” in one hand I use to squeeze whenever the sharp pains hit where my bone cancer is and my cane in the other I was on my way to surviving this ordeal. One of the ladies traveling on the van with me asked me at the funeral if I was having trouble with my knee. I told her “No” I have bone cancer throughout my entire skeletal system. “Oh, I didn’t know,” she said.

Sometimes I wish it was only my knee that was giving me trouble, or a backache that was going to resolve itself after a good massage. As much as I would like to wake up from my cancer only to find it was just a dream I know better. For the rest of my life, each step I take will have to be measured with caution. Some will be good and some will be hard to do like the one inch decline in the sidewalk at the funeral site that was difficult to do after hurting so much.

 

I could choose to lock myself up and never go out due to the pain but I don’t want to do that. I want to go on living the best I can. Doing so will no doubt create more pain than I already feel constantly but that’s okay because eventually it settles down. I may be thinking more on the negative side but I wonder sometimes if I will someday wind up in a wheelchair unable to walk at all and if that’s the case I’d like to get in what I can now while I can.

Indeed to do so may require a helping hand from a love one, a shove in the back to boost me up, an extra step stool, a hug or a smile to put a little light on a darken path but that’s okay. The important thing is that I go thru it all with the right attitude. Just because I require the use of a cane once in a while to walk physically I shouldn’t need a cane to walk spiritually and emotionally if I keep my attitude healthy.

 

Long ago with my epilepsy I learned that “pity me” is a shovel that will only dig us in further to the pit in life we find ourselves fallen in to. The right attitude is the ladder needed to climb out of the places that would like to swallow us alive. Therefore, we need to put away our canes and climb the ladder upward toward God with the attitude needed to get us there and the faith in Him required to succeed. Succeed in anything, even cancer.

Thanks everyone who helped me the other day and every day of my life. I appreciate it so much. It’s people like you that helps in the upward climb in a task that seems to want to go anywhere but up. As far as my spiritual life goes, my cane is gone, I’ve been set free thanks to Jesus, I will succeed.

 

© 2013 Karen J. Gillett at Pencil Marks and Recipe Publishing for Karen’s Crossing