Karen's Crossing~~~God Has Your Number

Luke 12:6-8New King James Version (NKJV) are not five sparrows sold for two copper coins?^[a] And not one of them is forgotten before God. ⁷ But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.

Like the cars of a train sometimes they can go by so quickly you can lose count really fast. That is the way it feels like with my hair. It's falling out so quickly I have lost track of the count. Not that I was really trying to count in the first place but you get the point. 

There's been many times I have been able to look at a fallen hair and chuckle that "there goes hair number 749."  As I look at this piece of paper full of what fell out tonight alone I see multiple numbers of counted hair by God himself. Counted because He promises He hasn't forgotten one piece of hair I ever had. He has my number and He has given me His. 

Tomorrow I plan to go wig shopping and I know in my heart no matter what wig I buy its hairs have already been counted by God. The same with the three wigs tucked away in my hope chest from when I was twelve and had brain surgery. God had them numbered for that scared little girl and now for this woman. 

Why is it so difficult to think God would do that for all of us. That its hard to imagine God setting a worth on us to the point He takes the time to number our hair. This is a promise from the book of Luke I have been holding on to one strand of hair at a time. 

However, shame on me though to think the thought that its hard to believe God puts that much worth on us. He has always cared and valued us or He wouldn't have sent His Son Jesus in to rescue us from our sins. Truly a much bigger disease than cancer as it affects everyone. 

Our hairs are numbered for a reason. All of our days are numbered for a reason. Cancer hasn't taken over, God is still in control. I'm glad He has my number. I'm glad I have worth in Him. 

Copyright 2015 Karen J Gillett @Pencil Marks and Recipes Publishing 

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Karen's Crossing~~~That Little Bit Of Light

Church service was going well. Praise and worship to my King of kings were strong and vibrant. The presence of The Lord could be felt filling the far corners of the sanctuary.

Unfortunately also present were the feelings of pain and weakness that followed me into the room. Emotions that needed dealt with that refused to stay home while I went to church.

After singing praises to God it was time for communion. As I reached for the bread and cup to participate the light reflecting from the communion juice caught my attention. Instantly there was a message there for me. The message being no matter how much light shines up at me it doesn't matter. God loves me and I got proof.

The proof being that little bit of light shining up at me. The light that says no matter how small, it carries a big torch. It has a lot to offer me as it lights my path, gives me hope and strength for tomorrow.

It doesn't matter where my cancer spreads I will always have that little bit of light shining back at me. The only light I need to see me thru. Days come and go, darkness comes and go but that can't be my focus. My focus needs to be that little bit of light shining back at me.

Communion is a time of remembrance of what Christ did for us but that light shining back at me has its own memories to give. Memories of how God has often rescued me from the dark many times. It didn't take much light to walk me out, what it took was me being willing to follow it out instead of complaining about the lighting system.

Cancer is a dark thing to face as many other chronic diseases. Such as the teenage girl back in the hospital fighting her heart failure. The parents who hurt painfully as they make arrangements for their little girls funeral who died of cancer.

We need to stay strong and not give up hope in God and that little bit of light that shines back at us. The light is still there. It may have shifted around in the cup but it never goes out. Let it capture your attention. Let it draw into your heart and always remember no matter what darkness in life we may encounter we still have that little bit of light shining back at us.

Praise the Lord!

Copyright 2015 Karen J Gillett at Pencil Marks and Recipes Publishing


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Karen's Crossing~~~while I Wait

Today I went to the oncology radiation doctor. His task this day was to asses the bone pain in my left hip. He wanted to see if doing radiation therapy on it could improve my quality of life.

As I filled out some simple forms I came to a question. They asked if I had any spiritual beliefs. I marked yes and then it asked, "why do you think your spiritual belief can help you in your current situation." My answer to the question was, "God is my Father and we have a close relationship."

As my husband looked over my shoulder trying to read my answers, what I just wrote caught his attention. Turning to me he asked me why I wrote that. I told him they asked why I thought my spiritual belief helped me.

To me the answer was simple, God is my Heavenly Father and because of our close relationship I am helped. God and I have walked closely together ever since I was in grade school. He is my Father and He takes care of me. I have always trusted in Him and had faith in Him and He has never failed me yet.

Even today the doctor asked me if I thought God was picking on me. I told him it may feel that way but in reality no God doesn't pick on certain people. God is looking more at maturing and educating us thru the difficult times. He is more interested in how we handle our situations.

Praise The Lord God is not finished with us yet. We are in His mould being properly shaped for all eternity. My job is to be patient and obedient to any commands he gives me while I wait.


Copyright 2015 Karen J Gillett @ Pencil Marks and Recipes Publishing
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Karen's Crossing~~~~~ Finishing Well

The day hadn't  start all that well. My cancer pain had gone beyond the limits of my pain patch. It had been awhile since it had been this bad. I almost forgot what it was like. With the use of my cane and extra pain meds I managed to get around to the finish. 

A good nap was helping for me to cope too. As I started to feel better I decided to go to town and meet my daughter at the bank before going shopping. As my grandson, granddaughter, and myself traveled to town we had a surprise waiting for us on the road. 

As I drove down a hill at sixty miles per hour a car was at the bottom wanting to turn left crossing my line of traffic. With her blinker on she had plenty of time to perform her task. Why she didn't I don't know. Her idea of turning left was to ride in my lane straight at me without a care in the world. 

As I got closer I hit my breaks, honked my horn, and skid along the pavement creating a nice pillar of blue smoke filled with the aroma of burnt rubber. Finally she slowly decide to exit my lane stage left. Scared by the whole incident I pulled over and began to cry. My granddaughter called her mom and told her to come to the canal as soon as possible. 

After a lot of tears I finally was fit to drive the rest of the way to town. As I did I thought about the angels that had to have been riding on my bumper that day. It was the rubber from their sneakers that safely screeched the car to a stop. 

Later at Wal Mart the checkout lady ask me if I was having a nice day. I told her, "well it started out a bad cancer day then I was almost in a head-on collision as I drive to town." As the lady apologize for my day I told her it was ok because I planned to finish it well because I so choose to do so. 

Enough of this bad stuff, I wasn't going to let it all get to me to the point where my whole day was shot because of it. In spite of starting off bad I wanted it to finish well. 

Like my cancer I had always felt like I had angels on my bumper watching over me. Angels used by God to keep me safe emotionally and spiritually in my life in order that I may finish well. 

Finish well the life created in my mother's womb that gave birth to me. Finishing well the task I was assigned as mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend, writer, and so much more. 

Cancer wasn't going to make my task easy but God was going to make it possible. Circumstances in certain situations was slowing me down but it's God's speed that things happen anyway. Emotions were at their worse behavior but the joy I felt in the Lord was so much more effective. 

Finishing well the day that started out so bad was a choice. Just as finishing well my tasks on earth. Even Jesus knew when to say, "It is finished." And oh how he finished well. 

As I told my friend about my day's adventure I told her, "honestly Kay I don't try to live life on the edge. It just seems like the edge finds me.  What I truly want to find for me is the task of finishing well for The Lord."  

Years ago I painted a wall hanging that said, " God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things!! Right now I am so far behind....I will never die!"

It was funny at the time but now I see more than a touch of humor behind it. Whether we don't finish our tasks on earth will not postpone or speed up our departure from it. We should want to finish well and not leave behind the Lord's work He has given us to do. 

Thirty some years after painting the wall hanging I would like to change it to say, "God has put Karen on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Because she is so far ahead she was able to depart early to further works of The Lord awaiting for her in Heaven."

She finished well. She finished well. 

A goal for all to meet. 

Copyright January 2015 Karen J Gillett @Pencil Marks and Recipes Publishing. 

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Karen's Crossing~~~~But As For Me

In the Bible several times in the Psalms they use the phrase "but as for me." In Psalms 71:14,16 it doesn't say that but I am writing in those words to match the ones in my heart. "But 'as for me' I will hope continually, and praise You yet more and more. I will go in the strength of The Lord God."

The psalmist here was telling about how he had made God his trust, hope, refuge, rock, and his youth. He then talks about how he wants God to deliver him from his enemies. From there we hook up with a big BUT to verses 14 and 16 I just wrote about. 

This was a scripture I had picked out the morning of a doctor's appointment. As I tried to get my expectors out of the closet to expect the best this scripture gave me three things to help me with my task. It told me to hope continually, praise God more and more, and to go in the strength of The Lord. 

There I had it balled up in three things I needed to do. All through the morning I thought of these three things. I realized in my heart when you pray it's not only to ask something of God its to get our own instructions and I did. I had my job to do while God did His. 

At last my appointment time had arrived or so I thought. I was off by two hours. Two hours early wasn't going to be easy to kill but my granddaughters and I went to a museum in the area that worked just fine. Little did I know it was God who tampered with my schedule putting the extra one in front of 1:30 to arrange His time to talk with me.  

Once at the museum laughter was in the air as my 13 and 11 year old granddaughters tried to push me up and down the hills in a wheelchair. I'm sure it was  more fun for me than them. 

After the museum it was finally time for my real appointment. Thus I returned at my regularly scheduled time. The first thing the doctor asked was do you want your granddaughters to hear your results. My heart fell from my chest just to splatter on the floor. I knew the news was bad. 

My efforts to keep my expectors high started failing fast when I brought out my scripture for the day. With an added "as for me" clause I quickly connected it to the rest. "As for me, I will hope continually, praise Him more and more, and go in His strength." There was no added clause from God nor me that said "if only things are going good."  I still had my job to do it and I did. I had to be strong for the kids and myself and doing as the scripture told me too helped. 

As my granddaughter Brooke struggled and pushed hard to get me up a hill at the museum it was my turn to get behind the chair to struggle hard to get me up the emotional hill I was facing. The hill of finding out my cancer was now officially in my lungs and oral chemo was no longer an option. Suddenly I was out of breath like Brooke and Jayleena in their efforts and I hadn't even started. 

I had come to a hill and I knew that hoping in God continually would do the trick. I couldn't stop hoping now over some bad news. Often that is when we need hope the most. I couldn't break the continue cycle now or I'd roll down backwards the steep slope I just climbed. The end results would be the same as if the girls gave up on pushing me and back down the hills I would go only to crash at the bottom. I don't want to crash at the bottom. 

Next thing to do was to praise God more and more. This was easy. What!? Easy?  Yes easy. I learned with my epileptic seizures the negative results of worrying and getting upset over things. They were uncontrolled stress seizures that dominated my life for twelve years. I also learned good or bad we need to praise God and be thankful. 

We don't have to thank him for our cancer or the car accident or the disease that took a love ones life. Our job is to be thankful to God for who He is and His blessings. No I can't say my cancer is one if His blessings. But what I glean from it and others could be the blessing. 

As my husband and I cried and hugged each other he told me he felt like we were being punished. I told him it does feel that way but God doesn't operate that way. It says so in the Bible when he went to cure a blind man. John 9:1-5. Someone asked Jesus who sinned, him or his parents to cause him to be born blind. Jesus replied "neither. But the works of God should be revealed in him."  

Awesome, that gives me grounds for more and more praise as God's

 work is revealed in my life, possibly my healing. It could happen, I have my hope and trust. If it doesn't happen this is happening to grab hold of my family and revealing in themselves how to love and trust God. Learning to see God as I always have and to draw near to Him walking simultaneous with Him not two or three steps behind or ahead. 

As far as part three of my job that's easy. I often feel I have no strength at all and I have been living off borrowed strength from Jesus all along. Trying to use my own strength years ago would have ended up in a suicide mission in myself both physically and spiritually. 

Our best reliable source of strength is Jesus. It last longer than the candy bar we ate for strength or the beer we guzzled for strength or the food we gorged down for strength. All may be temporary resources but we need lasting results. It is thru Jesus and the reading of his word that we get that. 

Yep, as for me I turn to Jesus. My continual hope, everlasting praise, and supplier of unbeatable strength. 

Whew! I'm out of breath or finger strokes I should say as I rattled on and on. Thanks for stopping by. Hope you had a great read.    Karen

Copyright 2015 Karen J Gillett at Pencil Marks and Publishing 

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Karen's Crossing~~~A Special Chair

Thank you Lord for today's sermon and the added blessings You put in this day for me.     Luv, Karen

Indeed it was a very special day in church as my gang and I selfishly and proudly took up the entire back row of chairs or "pew" as I want to call it. Even the special chair at the end of the pew designed just for me was filled. 

Arriving earlier than even the preacher we were able to capture the remembrance of the occasion with a group photo shot. However, what this grandma hopes is that each grandchild who was there will capture in their hearts the memories of going to church with grandma. 

Memories of the music sang, words spoken and feelings captured as we worshipped the Lord in many ways. Also laying hold of the memory of the Coleman camping chair that for the last four years had found its way into a sanctuary of color coded maroon chairs. The chair grandma had to use just to be able to sit in church comfortably with her bone cancer. A chair with arms to help me up and down and a cushion to absorb the pain in my spine and pelvis. 

My continued prayer is that each will know that whether there is pain in the "offering" they still need to come and worship God. It doesn't matter if the pain is from losing their grandma to cancer or a relationship gone bad or a fractured leg or finance issues we need to find ways to come and worship. For me and my cancer it was testing out camping chairs that would do the trick for me to worship God each Sunday in the church. 

Last thing to burn into our memories for the day would have to be the words of the sermon given. Words of encouragement letting us know how much God loves His children. It was stressed that whenever we bring joy to our Heavenly Father it is worship and being in His presence brings on that joy. A type of joy that overflows on to us as well and strengths our spiritual needs. 

Sitting in that sanctuary are many 'special' chairs. Each designed for us personally with our name on it. Each made for our special needs. They are not designed as thrones for us to rule from but as special chairs designed to be in God's presence absorbing His love for us.  

It would do us well to enter that presence and claim the special chair at the end of the pew. The place where hope, strength, love, forgiveness and so much more is found. 

Copyright 2015 Karen J Gillett at Pencil Marks and Recipes Publishing. 

Karen's Crossing~~~~~~Set to Seek

In 2 Chronicles 20:3 it talks about how Jehoshaphat feared and set himself to seek the Lord. As a result, all of Judah came together to ask help of the Lord and seek Him.

Today as I got the news that 2014 wasn't over with yet I felt a fear of what I was facing as Jehoshaphat must have felt in his situation. My year started with my medication not working, my cancer spread in my pelvis area to where I needed radiation treatment. I lost my appetite due to the treatment and lost forty pounds in an unhealthy rapid rate. A spot was found on my brain, a blood clot in my lung followed by a metastasis of my cancer to my liver.

Late in the fall finally came the arrival of the good news that my chemo medicine was finally working. Tumor markers were going down and my spirit going up. However, as much as I had hoped that 2014 had come to an end this day on the 2nd of December it hadn't. More bad news had arrived just in time to make the honorary mention list of bad news for the year.

The news was the fact that the anemia I was fighting was not chemotherapy induced. My own body out of something better to do decided to kill off its own red blood cells. Further tests are needed to be ordered and suddenly I find myself back to where I first began in a hide and seek game of trying to find the answers and match them with solutions. I would be lying if I said I wasn't afraid.

However, just like Jehoshaphat no matter how scared I might feel I need to do what he did and set myself to seek the Lord. I pray that as I do that, those around me will do the same as they ask God for help and seek Him regarding my health and their own personal need for strength.

If you think about it we have no problem setting our watch to a certain time or setting the sprinkler system to go off at a designated moment or set our minds on the new car we want. With practice it should be no problem for us to set our minds and hearts on seeking God.

At times we may encounter difficulties in some things such as the setting up of our computer or the new VCR but with great determination we continue until we figure out a way to get it done.

Well it should be equally not a problem but a priority to set ourselves to seek God. To storm proof our lives thru prayer and seeking God. Whether its easy for us to do or difficult we need to have that determination in us to see that we continue on until we have accomplished our goal of seeking God.

Too often we think its Him who is in charge of the seeking but we're wrong. We are the ones who need to seek Him out. We do so by looking past our circumstances and keeping our eyes on Him. It is by seeking God today that we are able to walk into tomorrow un-encumbered, walking in strength.

As I was told when I first got cancer whatever you do "Don't google it" it will scare you with too much information. It was a lesson the person who said it had learned the hard way and she wanted to pass it on down to me. As I spoke with my daughter for the final time at the closing of my day her words to me echoed that same lesson of "whatever you do mom, don't google it. Get some rest."

Instead of feeding my fear she wanted me to look passed what was right in front of me long enough to set myself on seeking God instead. A far better way to begin my night and a grander entrance to my new day soon to follow.

Truly it is a better way for all of us, to set ourselves on seeking God and when we do He will never cease to amaze us at what we will find in Christ.

Set on seek. That's my next move! How about you?


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Karen's Crossing~~~Setting Curfew

As a young kid when dad set the curfew of when we needed to be home there were no negotiations or excuses. He knew what was best for us whether we believed him or not. When he said to be home by ten he meant just that whether we liked it or not.

Recently because of my cancer spreading to my liver my doctor was concerned I didn't have much more time to live. The sound of her prognosis weighed heavily on my heart. What kind of preparations did I need to make? What about a will, a burial plot, unfinished business that needed done or final goodbyes needing to be said. Every second seemed to count as my clock on life was ticking down.

One day as I was trying to keep myself from slipping down into some kind of depression I thought about dad setting my curfew as a kid. Spiritually that is what God does for us. Our Heavenly Father is the one who tells us when we need to be home. When He calls the curfew there is no negotiating it whether we like it or not. He knows best.

The bottomline is its not up to the doctor or anyone else to set the curfew on when we need to be home in Heaven. Our Heavenly Father does that. Our part is being ready spiritually when the time is set.

Over the past six months part of that preparation was going on as I was getting nothing but bad news. Everything seemed to be going wrong all the way from my cancer medicine stopped working to new bone cancer, cancer in my liver, to a possible cancer spot on my brain, to a bloodclot in my lung and four failing medications. Plus tumor markers going from 27 to 1700. Even my early retirement from work was a time not to have fun and travel but a preparation of possibly dieing soon and the need to take care of myself.

Indeed the doctor had gotten to the point where she was concerned I had only a short time yet to live. I couldn't help but think just like my dad my heavenly Father had set my curfew and it was soon time to be home. My time out on the town of life was quickly to be over and my Heavenly Father was saying it was time to come home. No negotiations, no excuses on why I wanted to stay out longer or whatever.

As each day came and went they were a gift of the extension on life God was giving me. Little did I know He was pushing back my curfew without telling me. Then today when I went to the doctor and found out my tumor markers had been cut in half and my medications were working I couldn't help but breath a sigh of relief.

For months now I had been holding my breath just waiting for the next bad news to happen but not today! God had pushed back my curfew with an extension on what time I needed to be home.

At any moment my medicine could stop working again but I can't concern myself with that. What I need to be doing is cherishing daily this extra time with my family and friends and trust God to know when is the best time for me to come home. Like it or not.

Karen's Crossing~~~Ready to Fight

Here is my latest writing for the publicist I write for. It 
covers a time in March 2014 when my cancer meds 
quit working and new cancer started to grow. 

Go here:

http://www.jenningswire.com/specialty/perspectives/ready-to-fight/


In love W.I.T.H. Jesus,



Karen

A Note in the Night

The time on the clock varied. It was either the middle of the night or early morning depending on how you looked at it. As I still was feeling the pain and uncertainty from my radiation treatment 'the middle of the night' sounded more right to me.

As my cancer recently grew it seemed like everything was falling into the category of the 'middle of the night.' Answers were yet to be found. Problems yet to be redeemed. Darkness was covering an area that was already gray. 

As I found myself wide awake in the middle of the night searching for something I opened my Bible to read one more time a scripture I took with me to my radiation treatment from Daniel 11:32b. "...but the people who know their God shall be strong and carry out great exploits." Just seconds after reading it my phone signaled me an email had just came in. Already wide awake I thought I would read it. As I opened it the only thing that caught my attention was the signature at the bottom. It said "Shirley" then after that it had the scripture I just read in Daniel. It was as if God had sent  me a note in the night reinforcing the importance of what I just read. 

The note in the night from Him was to let me know those who know their God will be strong and carry out great exploits. It wasn't a fly by thought to carry me over from disaster to disaster. It was a promise with great faith and trust behind it. One I was responsible for to make come true strictly by "knowing" intimately and closely who my God was. I had always known in my heart it was never good enough to just know of Him we need to know Him as we know our best friends, child, spouse, or anyone else we are close to. 

For its with that knowledge comes the fact that we will be strong and carry out great exploits. Great exploits such as surviving cancer, addictions, emotional wounds, and life itself. Our knowledge of who God is and what He is capable of doing gives us the strength to go on. We are not living off a kill or cure policy but a know and grow one. It's not, God cure me of my cancer this day and I'll love you forever. It's I will love you forever because I know you, what happens to my cancer is obsolete. Therefore the process of knowing and growing continues and so does our strength. 

Where my cancer leads me next I don't know but oh what the joy for those notes in the night if only I am willing to look. If only I am willing to gain back the strength that is lost in the middle of the night so I can be carried over to bigger and to greater exploits. 

Copyright 2014  Karen J Gillett @ pencil marks and recipes publishing. 

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Apply it to my Hip ~~~~~~~~ Karen's Crossing

What is it about the morning that makes you think of donuts and coffee? This morning as I woke up to the rising of the "Don." Don as my husband. Ha ha. The smell of the sausage and eggs he was cooking took my nose elsewhere as I thought of a maple bar to go with my coffee.

Probably the biggest reason maple bars were on my mind was the fact that last night I found a scripture in Romans 5 that left me thinking as I went to sleep. This morning the thinking process continued and I added the maple bar to the thought.

Often the joke or chuckle is when someone is offered a donut to eat they immediately say, "Well I might as well as apply it to my hip right now because that is where its going." Ha ha and then they continue to eat the donut.

The scripture last night I read as I tried to fall asleep in the midst of my cancer pain told me," Moreover let us be full of joy now let us exult and triumph in our troubles and rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that pressure and affliction and hardship produce patient and unswerving endurance and endurance develops maturity of character and character of this sort produces the habit of joyful and confident hope of eternal salvation. Such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us, for God's love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5:3-5.

Last night the scripture helped me fall asleep to my pain, this morning it got me thinking about how I needed to apply this to my hip. That's where the maple bar donut thought came in. In the midst of my trouble and suffering with my hip pain I need to apply this scripture to my right hip and exult and triumph.

In order to properly apply I looked up the meaning of the word "exult." According to Webster it means to leap for joy, to feel or show great happiness, to say something in a very excited and happy way. The word 'triumph' means to obtain victory, to receive honor of a triumph, to celebrate victory or success boastfully or exultingly.

Wow! How in the world could I leap for joy when I can barely walk and stand upright on that hip. How can I feel any kind of happiness when the pain I have brings so many tears to my eyes. How can I say anything in a very excited and happy way when I have to bite my hand occasionally to keep from screaming out loud in pain. No, this was one maple bar donut of a scripture that was going to have to be applied somewhere else.

Wrong! The scripture said, "in our troubles and sufferings" and my right hip marks that very spot in my life right now. I can leap for joy that I am still able to walk no matter how painful. I can find happiness in the support I have around me from those who are there drying my tears and holding my hand. I can say a lot of things in an excited and happy way, things such as "I love you" to my love ones. Telling them daily how much I appreciate them, talking to my parents and sharing my life with them in a positive way.

Yes, this is one maple bar donut of a scripture that can be applied directly to that right hip and to the spot in my heart as well where it needs to be forever and ever. A spot where victory will be obtained in eternity and honor received as my choice of a right attitude overcomes my trouble and my sufferings. To God be the glory for ever and ever.

Karen

Moving forward. Karen's Crossing

Here is a breast cancer website where I briefly submitted my story about my cancer.

I must say it wasn't easy getting my story told in 200 words or less. Ha ha. My sister
told me once the problem is I'm a writer.

There's so much to say, so much to share thanks to what God is doing for me in my life with my cancer. 
 

Read it here:

Breast cancer site



Thanks,

Karen

In Udder Words Tuesday and Karen's Crossing ~~~~~~Knocked Down but Not OUT

“Lord, at least let me get back up after he knocks me down.” Paul Zinn, fellow football player in High School 

On September 15, 2013 my father-in-law left us to be with the Lord. The last thing he had told us was that he was ready to be with his Lord. An avid football player, wonderful husband, terrific dad, great friend, talented handyman, and so much more had come to the end of his playing field. 

Some of the memories brought out at his funeral had to do with his football years in high school, college and in the pros. One gentleman joked around about how you could never stop him and you were always looking at his back as he ran right passed you, or through you in some cases. 

After reading about his years of playing in college I can vision him doing just that as he carried with him several nicknames down the playing field. Names like “The Pride of Prineville, Prineville Phenom, the Razor, the Prineville Prancer, Frosh flash from Prineville, standout rookie.” Looking through the eyes of those up against him no wonder Paul Zinn thought to himself, “Lord at least let me get back up after he knocks me down.” 

Daily as we stand up against our opponents in life we should have the same prayer in our hearts. “Lord at least let me get back up after cancer, financial issues, relationship problems, health issues knocks me down.” The request of Paul Zinn wasn’t to be placed against someone else or taken out of the game. He just wanted to be able to rise again after being knocked down. There are many things in life that will knock us flat on our backs and we need to be willing to get back up and go again and again. Our prayer should never be that God takes us out of the game but that He will help us back up. 

Luckily for us we do have a God that will do just that as He helps us back on to our feet. It may be to only get hit again but it is to do many other things too. To score against our opponent, to show them and ourselves we can do it, to build courage, strength, and character in ourselves for trying our best and never giving up. 

We may never carry the nicknames down the playing field of life that Mel did but at least we won’t get the nickname of coward, loser, quitter, and poor sportsman. Like it or not we are all going to get our “hits” in life that will knock us around and down a time or two or more but its what we do with those moments in life that really counts. We can be like Mel who kept on running after knocking his opponent down or we can lie on the field staring up into the sky wishing someone would come along to stand us upright. 

We are the ones who need to be willing to get back up. God gives us the ability to stand up to the hits we will encounter but it will do us no good if we don’t utilize that capability in our lives. The news of my cancer delivered a mighty blow to my heart and life, one that I didn’t think I was going to be able to stand up against. I felt beaten already and was ready to give in before I even gave myself a chance to win. 

I was the player on the field staring up at the sky thinking it was worthless to have someone come along and stand me upright because I was going to die anyway. Wrong attitude! I may have been caught off guard by my opponent unlike Paul Zinn who saw his coming straight at him but I didn’t need to lay down and play dead long before the blow was totally felt. 

The two and half year extension on my life would never have been had I given up and quit at the very beginning. After all, the fact that I am still alive is a blessing from God because in all reality it didn’t have to be me. God was not finished with me yet and I need to have the same attitude in order to complete the game of life. 

Ready or not here “it” comes is something we can endure if we carry with us the right attitude. The attitude of at least being willing to get back up when life knocks us down. As I keep moving forward I want my family to see nothing but my back side as I run with all my strength the race marked out for me. Carrying in my heart the attitude that Satan or life can knock me down but they can’t make me fall. That part is up to me. 

Melvin Ronald Gillett, may you rest in peace 


© 2013 Karen J Gillett @ Pencil Marks and Recipes Publishing In Udder Words Tuesday and Karen’s Crossings

Karen's Crossings~~~Journey with Epilepsy and Cancer

Howdy,

On Karen's Crossing's I am going to be reviewing more the tools I used for fighting my stress seizures over 20 years. I will be covering them on my other BlogSpot http://COCWF.blogspot.com as they were the topic I spoke about at Women's Retreat this year. In order to complete what I started with the ladies I'm going to finish reviewing them on the Women's Retreat blog.

So join me over there on a topic I have covered on this BlogSpot as well under Karen's Crossings.

As far as the current episode of Karen's Crossings, my tumor markers have gone up again in a jump of 17 points. Last month they had jumped 9 points. Monday I will be having a bone scan test and Wednesday another CT scan looking for signs of new growth. If there is no new growth it could have been stress that made them jump. Go figure, stress is such a tattler. Perhaps that is a good thing then it makes us look a little closer where we need to give something over to the Lord because evidently we can't handle it.

I have had a stressful month with my father-in-law dying, my best friend's dad dying as well, then my aunt too, plus my granddaughter's 7 baby pit bull puppies. However, that doesn't give me an excuse to not continue to lean on the Lord and trust in His lead to see me through so many tears and sad, sad memories. As I told someone at church today, who just found out he had cancer, that we needed to get together and have us a lemon-aide stand. After all, they say when life throws you a lemon, you need to make lemon-aid. In other words, learn how to make the most of what you are dealing with in life. As tough as it is at times, its possible when we trust God.

Anyway hop on over to WOCWF and follow along.

In love W.I.T.H. Jesus,

Karen

Karen's Crossings~~~~~~ An Upward Climb

“Be there at noon!” was the orders from Wayne, our chauffeur. The pastor from our church who had preached there for 27 years before he retired had finally graduated to heaven. A two hour trip over a mountain pass to his funeral was our way of saying “Goodbye and thanks.”

 

Coming fully supplied for the trip I had my crochet project I was working on, my Bible to read, and my cane. I didn’t know if I would need the crochet project or Bible for entertainment purposes but I knew for sure I would need the cane. The trip over and back in one afternoon wasn’t going to set well with my body and I was right. It was a good thing Wayne thought of bringing along a step ladder to help those who needed it into the van.

 

As we made our first pit stop in Mill City the task of getting out of the van was difficult. After sitting for over an hour my legs and hips just didn’t seem to want to move. With the help of Wayne and Toni, one of the passengers I managed to get out.

While walking to the restroom I felt a touch of self-pity start to zoom in on my spirit. The memories of long ago when I hated to be babysat when I had seizures flooded in as I found myself in that position again with my cancer. As I attempted to shake the feelings it was creating within me I began to wonder where in the world is the hole to the funnel.

Hole to what funnel? The funnel that seems to suck you in so quickly and unexpectedly into that pity me, I’m worthless, I’m no good, I’m a nuisance to those around me, I ‘m a bother to have to babysit, and the list goes on. There I was sucked in and hanging on the edge peeking out. In an attempt to keep these negative thoughts from making a nest in my head and staying longer than they should I fought against them till they were shaken lose.

Yes I had more important things to concentrate on, like my walking. To step up into the van I always had to hesitate and decide which leg I wanted to use to make that first step. A couple of times people had to push me gently in my back to help in the boost upward. As the journey went on and the pain got worse I found myself concentrating on each step I took as if it required every brain cell I had to get me to move one leg at least two inches forward.

 

Finally while sitting at the funeral I had what I call my “pain ball” in one hand I use to squeeze whenever the sharp pains hit where my bone cancer is and my cane in the other I was on my way to surviving this ordeal. One of the ladies traveling on the van with me asked me at the funeral if I was having trouble with my knee. I told her “No” I have bone cancer throughout my entire skeletal system. “Oh, I didn’t know,” she said.

Sometimes I wish it was only my knee that was giving me trouble, or a backache that was going to resolve itself after a good massage. As much as I would like to wake up from my cancer only to find it was just a dream I know better. For the rest of my life, each step I take will have to be measured with caution. Some will be good and some will be hard to do like the one inch decline in the sidewalk at the funeral site that was difficult to do after hurting so much.

 

I could choose to lock myself up and never go out due to the pain but I don’t want to do that. I want to go on living the best I can. Doing so will no doubt create more pain than I already feel constantly but that’s okay because eventually it settles down. I may be thinking more on the negative side but I wonder sometimes if I will someday wind up in a wheelchair unable to walk at all and if that’s the case I’d like to get in what I can now while I can.

Indeed to do so may require a helping hand from a love one, a shove in the back to boost me up, an extra step stool, a hug or a smile to put a little light on a darken path but that’s okay. The important thing is that I go thru it all with the right attitude. Just because I require the use of a cane once in a while to walk physically I shouldn’t need a cane to walk spiritually and emotionally if I keep my attitude healthy.

 

Long ago with my epilepsy I learned that “pity me” is a shovel that will only dig us in further to the pit in life we find ourselves fallen in to. The right attitude is the ladder needed to climb out of the places that would like to swallow us alive. Therefore, we need to put away our canes and climb the ladder upward toward God with the attitude needed to get us there and the faith in Him required to succeed. Succeed in anything, even cancer.

Thanks everyone who helped me the other day and every day of my life. I appreciate it so much. It’s people like you that helps in the upward climb in a task that seems to want to go anywhere but up. As far as my spiritual life goes, my cane is gone, I’ve been set free thanks to Jesus, I will succeed.

 

© 2013 Karen J. Gillett at Pencil Marks and Recipe Publishing for Karen’s Crossing

Karen's Crossings ~~~~~~~~~ Yes Lord, Yes

Healing! Healing! Healing! The carrot Satan was dangling in front of my face had it written all over it backed with the sound of a smirk Satan’s laugh created as he enjoyed the torture. It was the subject of the scripture I had to read at the annual reading of the entire Bible regarding the woman who had bled for 12 years (Mk 5:25-34). It was the topic of the recent Sunday service about the paralyzed man of 38 years at the healing pool (Jn 5:1-15). One more trip to the church and I’ll bet you anything the subject would have been about the epileptic boy in Matthew 17:14-21, just teasing on the last one.



Tears got me through the reading of the Bible regarding the woman who was healed. That and the gentle hand of the next person in line to read who came up and gave me a hug to strengthen me in a weak moment. The lady in the Bible for 12 years had bled, for 12 years I was disabled with epilepsy. She knew, just as I knew, if we could just get to the cloak of Jesus healing would come.



What got me through the other healing story was the strength of the Lord. The connection I feel with that story, the one of the man at the pool who laid helpless on the ground waiting and hoping for someone to come along to help him into the pool was the question Jesus asked him. That and his determination to come faithfully every day to the pool in hopes of being healed. Yes, that day at the pool Jesus comes along and asks the question, “Do you want to be healed?” The preacher on Sunday admitted to having the same reaction I did when I first read the story, “Well, duh! Yes I want to be healed.”


Still reviewing the story in the Sunday sermon the preacher asked over and over again to the congregation, “Do you want to get well? Is there something you need healing from? Whether it’s a physical or spiritual condition the question pertained to all. The preacher wasn’t pointing his finger to just the back three rows on the left where three of us struggling daily with our diseases sat.


As I sat there thinking about what he was asking I knew in my heart the answer to the question. However, it wasn’t the answer some may have expected to hear. Honestly I have never thought about wanting to be healed from my cancer. It would be fantastic and I wouldn’t turn down the opportunity for nothing. If all it took was to be thrown in some pool I would go peacefully.


The healing that is on my heart is the desire to have those on my ALL UDDERS prayer list healed spiritually. The long list of family members, friends, and even total strangers I’ve been praying for that their relationship with God may be all that it should be.

Indeed the tears that came on Sunday after the sermon weren’t for me but for my ALL UDDERS and the healing I ask for them. In spite of the fact I was having a difficult time standing on my own as church ended the dangling carrot wasn’t for me it was for my ALL UDDERS. As my two granddaughters joined me in the sanctuary all they noticed were tears, they had no idea they were for them and many others and not for me. With a granddaughter on each side of me they grasped my hands as people did for me when I had seizures many years ago. The hugs they gave me, the support they supplied me was an awesome scene in my eyes.


Yes, the very hands I held as little kids supporting their wobbling attempts of standing and walking were now holding my hands as my bone cancer put a wobble in my step. Words can't describe how wonderful it is to have the support around me that I do from all sides. What a treasure in grandma’s heart, what a warm spot in my mind.


Heal? Heal? Heal? Put your carrot down Satan I’m not biting. Any time the Lord is ready to heal me I’m ready too. Until then I’m thankful my cancer is under control and that I have the company of those around me who love and support me, my ALL UDDERS and You Lord. May we all line up in the procession by the pool prepared to be healed physically and spiritually ready to answer when the Lord says, “Do you want to be healed?” Yes Lord, Yes!


***Later in the day after posting this on my blogspot my doctor told me they have found a fracture in my left shoulder blade around a cancerous area. How it happened will remain a mystery forever, now its time to heal and go on with my journey. Heavenly Father, as always I'm in your hands. Looking at the number of bone cancer lesions my body has I shouldn't be alive today. I'm thankful you were watching out for me to get it all under control when they did and that Your caring loving eyes and heart are still on duty. You are my Lord, the one who has never left me nor forsaken me. I welcome Your guidance and strength, I treasure Your love.                             Karen

The Night I wore Pink

As I lay awake at midnight the clock striking twelve reminded me of the night I learned about my cancer. Two years ago this midnight I was seen in the emergency room where the news was revealed. Who would have thought a simple trip into the local hospital would have turned into this.

I praise the Lord I made the trip that night. My cancer had already taken over my breast, bones, and lungs and it wouldn't have stopped there had I not went.

I'll never forget the sound of Don's cry from the corner of the room nor Nycol's from the echo of the phone. It was time for a group hug as we met at the bed where I laid. Life had put up a detour sign and we were only beginning to see where it would lead us.

There would never be too many hugs nor would the tears ever completely run dry. We were in this together and it was best we walked in harmony with each other. Little did we know there would be times I couldn't walk on my own I would need help. A shoulder not only to lean upon but one to cry upon as well.

 Our journey has been rough and tough at times but thanks to God we have survived. The grand kids have been wonderful through all of this. My support group continues to grow. This certainly wasn't my choice of adventures but I am thankful for what I have learned during it, the love I have been given, the blessings God has bestowed upon me.

Yes it has done us well to walk in harmony for when one of us is weak the others can be strong and we can travel ahead leaning and supporting one another.

"Thank you Lord once again for seeing me through and walking me out of life's difficulties one step at a time. I may walk in physical pain but I don't in spiritual pain thanks to You, Lord. So for now it's time to close my eyes and count my blessings. "

 1. My relationship with Jesus
2. Don and Nycol and my grand kids
3. My family and friends
4. My work and those I work with
5. My church and the strength I receive from them
6. I can walk on my own no matter how slow
7. My cancer remains in control
8. I get to see my grand kids grow up
9. I grow stronger spiritually day by day
10. I get the opportunity to write God's blessings for others to read
11. Pink isn't a bad color after all
12. For tonight as it is 12-12-12 still, oops I forgot it struck midnight already. Anyway my twelfth blessing is the blessing that I am not alone in my journey.

Praise the Lord the blessings will continue to flow. Thanks everyone for the parts you each play. Stay focused on God and together we will walk in harmony one step at a time, no matter how slow or wobbly that step may be. To God be the glory.

Karen's Crossing Fight a Good Fight

2 Tim 4:6-8 I have fought a good fight. I have finished the race and I have remained faithful And now the prize awaits me, the crown of righteousness that the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give me on that great day of His return. And the prize is not just for me but for all who eagerly look forward to His glorious return.    Good News Bible

 

 With several scriptures marked and highlighted in my daily Bible my eyes could have fallen on any of the scriptures standing out in yellow. Each one of them holding up their hands as if to say, “read me, read me.” However, my eyes went to the first one and no further. Perhaps it was because of the tears in my eyes that I couldn’t go any further or was it the tug in my heart that said, “Stop here.”

                                

How many of us can truly say, “I have fought a good fight.” To us a good fight means we beat the crap out of someone else to get what we want. Perhaps the better meaning is to try our best whether we succeed or not.

 

Right now this is where I’m at with my cancer. I want to make sure I have fought a good fight. As I type those words the original tears that showed up as I first read the scripture have returned. One by one they run down the same path on my cheeks as the previous tears. I’m beginning to think those wrinkles on my face aren’t from old age but from the water flow of tears over the years. Each trench representing not old age but the pain, joy, sorrow, and excitement that brought on each waterfall of wetness.

 

Both spiritually and physically I want to know in my heart I have fought a good fight. That I have I been a good enough soldier for Christ, one that God would recruit if He needed backup. I hope so.

On November 4^th Don and I will be flying to Arizona to a Cancer Treatment Center of America hospital that I checked myself into. We will be there 3 to 5 days if not more. If I could fit Nycol in my pocket I would take her along too. My loving sister Juli and dear sweet niece Stephanie gave me the information and within two days with the whole process moving quickly I was approved to go and airline tickets purchased. Confessing to my doctor to what I did I told her I had to do this in order to know I did all I could.

 

Several days after being approved to go to the Treatment Center I got to thinking, ‘I did this same thing with my epilepsy.’ Over 25 years ago when I had epilepsy I checked myself into an epileptic clinic my sister Robin had found in Washington. After being in the hospital there for a week they told me 90% of my seizures were stressed caused and only 10% were epileptic. They told me I didn’t qualify for the surgery to cure me until I got rid of the 90% of stress caused ones. For five years after that I took my stress issues to the Lord and leaned on His scriptures and strength to see me thru. Next I found myself in Portland Oregon facing the same doctor I did in Washington and he told me the stress seizures were gone and I qualified for the surgery. The end result is I have been seizure free now for 27 years, Praise the Lord.

 

I had done all I could for my epilepsy and now it’s my cancer that has my attention. I doubt if the outcome will be exactly the same as with my epilepsy but that’s okay. I asked my doctor what if they say the same thing, “90% of your cancer is stressed caused, come back when you get it taken care of.” Ha, ha….just teasing I told my physician.

 

What they are going to help me with is eating the right foods that kills cancer cells and avoid the ones that enhance them. Broccoli kills, sugar enhances. Oh, why couldn’t that be the other way around. J Dream on Karen. I made the mistake of telling this to my co-workers the other day and when I asked them for a donut all I heard was, “Veggie Weggies Karen. Veggie Weggies.”

 

I can’t believe the wonderful support group I have around me. My family, church, co-workers, friends, and even total strangers have reached out to be my support. I can fight a good fight because of God and those around me. I will do all I can to beat this disease I fight. It may win by taking my body but “Veggie Weggie or “nanner, nanner” to it because my body wasn’t going to last forever anyway but it can’t have my soul. That is the part that lives for all eternity so in the end who truly wins. It will be me.

 

Cancer will never fight fair but I can still fight a good fight in spite of that, in my heart and in my spirit.

 

I love Jesus, and I love those around me He has blessed me with to be my support team. Those who will be there on those days I don’t feel like fighting any more. Yes, I’m confessing. I have those days but thankfully they are few and far between.

 

Let the fight begin! Oh, it already did almost two years ago.