Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Karen's Crossing~~~Thus So Far

Another chemo day, thus so far another dollar. The day started out with a spark but soon it would change to smoldering coals. As my vitals were taken and the labs drawn it seemed like another mundane visit.

However, that wasn't the case. Two important test results had dropped again. My oxygen level had dropped into the 80's and my red blood cell count went down further into the anemia spectrum. 

Suddenly I qualified for home oxygen and a blood transfusion was also ordered. Surrounded by two granddaughters anxiously paying attention they knew something was wrong. As much as I wanted to cry I just couldn't in front of them. All I could say to myself was, "suck it up Karen and grow up."

I knew in my heart it wasn't a matter of immaturity to cry out at such news but it was the only way I could stop myself in order to remain strong for the girls. The truth was thus so far God had helped me in my journey and tears weren't needed. 

Interestingly enough my sister soon reminded me of that. When she asked how I was feeling. "I quickly told her honestly that, "I wanted to cry." 

Her instant response were words she used against me from my own writing. She reminded about what I had said about my fighter button. Karen she added your fighter button has been thru a lot therefore it was okay to cry. 

To add to that she then sent me the words to a couple of hymnals she loved so dearly. One song stated behind this armor the warrior is a child. A child hiding tears, concealing the things that knocked them down laying them at the Saviors feet. Someone who frequently ran back to the Savior looking for a smile and a renewal of their strength. 

Another hymnal she told me about   was the one that had the name Ebenezer in it. It was a story from 1 Samuel 7:12 where Samuel took a rock and named it Ebenezer which to him meant " Thus far the Lord has helped us." 

Years ago this was a scripture I had used to get me through another difficult time. I even took a rock and wrote 1 Sam 7:12 on it. Whenever times got rough I would raise high my rock named Ebenezer to remind myself that, "thus far God had helped me whether it felt like it or not."

Today was another one if those "it doesn't feel like it day." I even had the evidence to prove I was wrong if I was only willing to look.  For example thus far God has helped me with my epilepsy, my family, my parents care, my cancer, my career, my Christian walk, my writing, my wounds, my healing, my fears, my emotions, my mistakes, my shortcomings, and so much more. 

My help or Ebenezer was there when I needed Him the most and today wasn't going to be any different. My faith and trust still needed to be in Him. Once again it was not time to grow up but a time to raise up my Ebenezer and praise God for what He had done thus far. 

Already listing the things God had helped me with I couldn't help but lift the things I was thankful for. Things like modern medicine, ability to fight, strength from God, my families support, thoughtful grandchildren, caring friends, loving strangers, and more. 

Thus so far God has done well in my life. At birth I wasn't issued a certificate  at the hospital for a mundane life free of pain, showing my address and who my parents were. Nope, no free from pain promises there yet my parents still took me home. 

Spiritually it was the same way, no free from pain promises there either. Instead I was given a certificate showing my spiritual DOB as of July 4th with an address as one who was heavenly bound. Also showing who my parent was, God himself who prepares a place for me so that He too can take me home when it's time. 

To Him be the glory who is the lifter of my head. The one who 'thus far' has seen me thru a lot and tomorrow's blood transfusion will be no different. Therefore as I rest my weary head on the pillow of my Ebenezer I am comforted. 

So together let us raise our Ebenezer's and acknowledge, thus far God has helped us and will continue to do so no matter what the circumstances. Praise the Lord. 

Copyright 2015 Karen J Gillett @ Pencil Marks and Recipes Publishing 

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