This morning I was thinking about what the doctor said to me about my cancer. He told me I went at it backwards. Most people find the lump and the breast cancer first then they find where it has spread to.
I never was known for doing things in an orderly fashion. That was how it was with my stress seizures I once had. I would have a seizure and then have to back track to see where it came from. Once locating the stress issue that started the seizure I could apply the proper medicine needed to deal with what it was that was bothering me.
If you think about it there are a lot of things that work that way. Suddenly out of no where anger explodes inside of us and we have to stop and try to locate where it came from. Sometimes the culprit is easily found while other times it requires extra digging.
When we find ourselves in these moments we need to ask the Lord to show us the roots. Show us where this is coming from in order to deal with it properly. This is what I had to do as recently as, well last night! Evidently frustration had been sitting at the door of my heart ready to explode at any moment and it did. Venting what it was on my mind I not only had to ask the Lord’s forgiveness but I needed Him to show me the root of where this came from in order for me to take care of it.
Sure enough, there it was. It was good old culprit called, “worry.” My root had been exposed and God did not give me the option to dye it to try and hide it. No, like with my stress seizures He was asking me to dig it up before it did further damage.
I had clearly put the diagnosis of cancer in His hands but I failed to hand over the whole package. My sticky fingers had kept back parts for myself. After all they were minor little areas I thought I could handle alone while He took care of the “big stuff.” No matter how noble the thought sounds, it doesn’t work.
I came to realize that I don’t want a feather in my cap for taking matters in my own hands and dealing with my own problems. I want a jewel in my crown for trusting the Lord with the whole package of my life.
In spite of having gone thru this class before I evidently needed a refresher course. Maybe this time I’ll learn. If not I know I can rest assure my Teacher will be there again for me when I need Him the most, always willing to teach as long as I’m willing to learn.
****Today I start my treatment for my bone cancer. My doctor told me I won’t feel like moving around at first but I will have to force myself to exercise to loosen up my bones and get the medicine circulating through me. Don’t tell her, but I’m that way without a medicine. The part about not wanting to move around at first and having to force myself to exercise! Have a great day everyone.
In love W.I.T.H. Jesus,
Karen
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