As I rose this evening from bed to wander in the nearby bathroom the mirror caught my attention. The two incisions made in my neck and shoulder reminded me of my situation. "You have cancer and your infusions you've been trying to avoid start Monday." "Yeah, yeah I know. I don't need to be reminded," I answered back.
After going back to bed a piece of paper in my opened Bible caught my attention. It asked the question 'what does having God in your life do for you?' Being a much better thing to dwell on rather than my port catheter in my neck for my chemo treatment, I chose to fall back to sleep on the light feathered comfort of the second pillow.
With a smile on my face and a song of praise in my heart I told my mind what direction to take and it took it. Like Psalms 103:2 and following, I listed all the benefits of having God in my life.
1. Strength. If it wasn't for God's strength I would have no strength at all.
2. Stability. I am anchored on the rock of Jesus that will never move. Therefore I am promised I wont be shaken.
3. Security. I am not only safe but saved in the arms of Jesus. He is building me a home just for me. I expect lots of Holstein cows and country style decor awaiting me.
4. Loved. I couldn't feel more loved than I do with God. That seems impossible because of the love I receive from my family and friends is overwhelming. Thanks everyone.
5. Welcomed. I am welcomed into God's family with open arms. I fit in because of Jesus.
6. Not lost. Wandering around aimlessly for so long lost in the muck and mire of life's circumstances God found me and found a spot for me in His herd of lost sheep. He never gave up on me.
7. Belonged. It's a bad feeling, feeling as if you don't belong. No matter what the local church might make you feel, we belong. We belong to God if we so choose to accept His offer to come to Him. I love it.
8. Cared for. I feel cared for by God in the way He watches over me, talks to me, gives me His spirit to sustain me.
9. Happy. I couldn't be more happier than I am in Christ. Material possessions don't count because they are not needed to feel a sense of joy and happiness in God.
10. Blessed. No matter what my situations say out loud, in my heart I know I am blessed because of God. He hasn't chosen me as His favorite and made me rich and famous but its the fact that He has chosen me. I have things like my good health outside of cancer, eyes that see, ears that still hear, a heart that functions well, and a brain that still operates. Somewhat! Ha ha. I have great family and friends. Just recently a friend from over 20 years contacted me on Facebook. Talk about a blessing, it was awesome. Another tool God is using to bless me.
11. Helped. Cancer and other things can put us in a situation where we feel helpless and often even hopeless. With God I have felt and seen where He has helped me many times. He has never left me stranded along the side of the road of life. He leads me to clear calm water and to other places I need to be. He helps me to cross bridges that appear to be frightening. He holds on tight to my hand and encourages me.
12. Satisfied. With God in my life He is all I need or really want. I am satisfied in my soul because of Him. I don't have to work my way up some imaginary scale to make myself feel satisfied. I don't need substances such as money, food, alcohol, or drugs to feel satisfied. I am satisfied completely in Christ.
13. Forgiven. It's a good feeling to know you are forgiven. Too often I have messed up in life and I couldn't have made it without knowing God forgives when I am willing to repent and correct that which is wrong in my life.
14. Comforted. God knows my circumstances and He comforts me. He gets me through them one at a time. He may not lead me around them but He sees me thru life's storms in a strong comforting way letting me know He is there, with me all the way. That is a big comfort.
The list I am sure could go on and on but at last my weary eyes and heart are ready to surrender. Sleep is what my eyes seek while my heart and mind chase after God and that list of what He does for me.
Snuggled within the reminder of what He does for me I can lay to rest my cancer, the physical pain it creates, the tears shed, the fear felt, the unknown ahead. Instead I lay upon the pillow feathered with God's love and comfort as He tucks His daughter into bed once more.
Ever so softly and gently I can feel Him leaning down to kiss my forehead as He whispers once again, "I am with you my sweet one. I will never leave you nor forsake you. You can count on that for number 15 on your list. I am not through with you yet."
The words from God were what I needed to hear. Truly a feathered pillow for all. A comfort list for many.
Copyright 2015 Karen J Gillett @ Pencil Marks and Recipes Publishing
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