Today at my doctor’s appointment for my breast and bone cancer my doctor and I discussed adding an additional drug to my treatment. It is a drug that is designed to make the chemotherapy medicine I’m taking last longer. When I first got cancer I learned that the medicine they give for cancer works only as long as the body doesn’t catch on to the trick the medicine is playing on it. The additional medicine my doctor wants me to take is supposed to make it so my body doesn’t catch on as quick to what the chemo medicine is doing.
Praise the Lord, what my chemo medicine has done for a year and half is keep my breast cancer in remission. The job of my new medicine would be to double my chances of survival. All of it sounded like a good plan until my doctor started naming off all the side effects of the new medicine. It could cause a serious lung infection, it is more toxic, it can cause mouth sores, increase my blood sugars, raise my cholesterol level, and the list went on.
After leaving my appointment I got to thinking about how my visit today reminded me of the visit I had with the surgeon who was going to do my second brain surgery over 20 years ago. Wow, who could forget sitting there staring at the surgeon across his wooden desk as he listed all the things that could go wrong. It made you wonder if you really wanted to take the risk or not. Was it really going to be worth being cured of my epilepsy? What if something did happened, what if what he warned us about really did happen? What kind of quality of life would I have with it as opposed to going without it? What was the right decision?
That is where I feel like I am right now. Nycol told me, “If it’s going to make you miserable mom, then don’t take it.” Indeed if my quality of life goes down because of the new medicine then one must ask, “is it worth the chance I’m taking trying to survive my cancer longer?” With or without the new medicine God is the one with the final say in how long I survive life as a whole. The thing that is more important than anything in regards to the quality of my physical life is the quality of my spiritual life. The faith I carry with me in my heart.
For every pill bottle I open I need to look inside not only it but inside my heart and see my faith as well. If I trust the pills manufactured to control my cancer then I need to be able to trust even more the faith manufactured in my heart from God. It’s a medicine that works as well as I allow it to.
Today at Bible study the ladies and I tried to hash out the answer to the question regarding, “What makes people grumble?” The main conclusion we came up with was the fact that we are not thankful enough. I’ve learned over the years that although my life may be complicated and rough at times there is always someone worse off than me. Therefore I need to be thankful for what I do have not what I wish I had.
For example, a gal at our church right now is suffering from a tumor that was found on her brain. The tumor is inoperable and already she is losing her eye sight and next her life. The medicine I take for my breast cancer will do her no good yet we share a common medicine that will and that is our faith in God. It’s a medicine that doesn’t lose its effectiveness as it takes us into eternity with our Lord and Savior.
Faith in God doesn’t guarantee us a pain free, problem free, pill free life but what it does offer is eternity with God and the peace, patience, and power it takes to survive life in general. It moves us forward when life is trying to pull us back. It picks us up when situations knock us down. It comforts when tenderness, gentleness, and understanding is required.
I have yet to figure out what I will do with the new medicine. I guess I will probably try it out and see. However, I do know what medicine will remain in the medicine cabinet of my heart with no added help required and that is the medication of my faith in God.
Thanks everyone for listening. Thank you God for giving me something to have faith in, You. You are my true source of quality in life.